Bachelor Pad: Down To 3 Couples (Yawn)


elizabeth from bachelor pad on the beach in bikini
Three couples remain on the Bachelor Pad (boring), but we won't tell you who wins next week.

It looks like the Bachelor Pad is getting converted into a starter home. What started out as a highly competitive show with sexy challenges demanding prowess and skill, has quickly gone down the hot tub drain. Last night's episode was such a joke. It was the poorest example of a competition reality show I've ever seen. The definition of competition is to present a challenge where each person engaging in said competition has a fair shot at winning, right? Not on the Bachelor Pad, apparently.

Here's what happened: Chris Harrison showed up and dropped a bomb on the seven remaining girls, telling them that three of them would be going home. The next day, the gals are corralled into the driveway for a game of Spin the Bottle—only they aren't playing. What kind of competition is that, I ask you. It's the four remaining guys, Jesse B., Kovacs, Dave and Kiptyn, who will determine the ladies' fates. When the bottle lands on one of the men, they get to pick a girl to keep and then continue on with as a couple.


Hmm… hold on a sec. First of all, I get that that the show needs to move along and get to the finale, but this is best they could do to whittle down the girls?  They couldn't have oiled them up for a good old-fashioned catfight? They literally had the boys choose the girl they wanted to keep—and guess what, they chose the girl they've been hooking up with all season.

It was as if the producers woke up that morning and were like, "Oh crap! We have three marginally attractive girls still on the show and we cant get rid of them! We must fumigate them with a crushing and humiliating game of spin the bottle!" 10 Ridiculous Jersey Shore Love Quotes

To create false drama, they made it seem as if the men might not let their penises do the picking, and actually choose a girl other than the one they were already canoodling with. Of course this didn't happen, and Nikki, Gwen and Ashley got totally hosed. Not that I was too attached to them, but this was a terribly crafted plan to trim the fat.

So now the game is all about couples. You have Elizabeth and Kovacs, Kiptyn and Tenley (or as she calls them, Kip-Ten), Dave and Natalie, and Peyton and Jesse B, who are clearly the outsiders to the hunky Triplets and their Barbie dolls.

Like most couples, they all became instantly boring, watching-paint-dry boring.

Or watching-water-balloons-fly-through-the air-boring. I seriously nodded off during this challenge. With two roses at stake, the couples were laboriously careful in the way they handled their balloons.  It was like they were tossing silicone breast implants for Elizabeth's new boob job or something.

Peyton choked first, thus pretty much sealing her and Jesse B.'s fate. Kip-Ten faltered next, then Elizabeth and Kovacs. Natalie and David went on to win The World's Longest Balloon Toss Ever Filmed, and sped off in a bright yellow Lamborghini for their overnight date. But not before Elizabeth and Kovacs stunk it up by making out all over the hood.

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