Life just keeps getting wetter over at ABC's reality tv show of love, Bachelor Pad.
Life just keeps getting wetter at the Bachelor Pad.
Last night's episode started right where we left off, post-rose ceremony—and the tears were flowing as heavily as the champagne. Gia would not shut up about how Nikki screwed everything up by deviating from the plan. But wait, isn't that precisely what Gia did when she betrayed the outsiders' trust by giving the rose to Wes and outing Craig M? How quickly one forgets.
In brilliant Bachelor Pad fashion, by the next day, it was time to make up with a good old-fashioned disease-spreading Kissing Contest. Valtrex anyone? The guys were embarrassingly excited about this – especially Weatherman: "Lining up hot girls, I get to kiss them… and they're blindfolded? I love the Bachelor Pad." Kinky.
One by one, the men of the house grabbed and kissed those blindfolded Bachelorettes as if they had just returned from war. Tongues were wagging, and pants, I'm sure, were getting tighter. According to the girls, Dave and Wes were tongue and tongue, while Weatherman's affections just completely grossed every single girl out. 10 Surprising Facts About Kissing
Even worse, every time Tenley got kissed, she giggled like a frickin' Tickle-Me Elmo Doll. Don't worry, girlfriend—you'll get to second base one of these days. She did manage to share a tender moment with her faux beau, Kiptyn. (Only to screw it up later when she surprised him IN HIS BED while he was taking a nap, and he promptly asked her to leave. Men—so fickle.)
Other than school teacher Ashley, all the girls got their smooch on. She didn't want to lose the respect of the high school students she teaches. Um, you're on Bachelor Pad.
Then came the girls' chance to lock lips. Each dude stood blindfolded like they were about to be executed. And super happy about it, too. Elizabeth and Natalie literally attacked their captured prey, devoured their faces, and wiped their mouth like they just ate Sloppy Joes. It was gross.
Not to be outshined, Gia decided that this was the appropriate time to have a full on meltdown. After getting kissed by all the guys, she just couldn't go through with kissing them again. You mean, the promise you made to your boyfriend about being faithful to him finally kicked in after getting lubricated by seven dudes? Such a dear. So she runs off to hyperventilate on her bunk bed, only to get wooed by Wes and his magical gee-tar later in the episode. He gazed deep into her eyes and dusted off his tried and true masterpiece from Bachelorette seasons past, "Love, It Don't Come Easy." Damn straight, cowboy.
In other news, Southern Belle Peyton surprised everyone with her magic mouth, and swept the competition. Guess it's true what they say about the quiet ones. Dave Good also won, which surprised the hell out of Krisily, who's bathing suit area began to seriously tingle in the wake of his passionate tonsil hockey.
Dave then, got to choose three ladies for his What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas date. He chose Nikki, Natalie, and Krisily to join him. They (private) jetted to Vegas, promptly got hammered and then all sorts of naked in a pool. Oh, I'm sorry, that was just Natalie. Nikki, of course, lived up to what Natalie said about her: "Going to Vegas with Nikki is like going to Vegas with your grandma."
Meanwhile, poor Krisily was feeling some major high-school nerves over her new crush, Dave. But his eyes were firmly planted on Natalie's bare boobies, and he ended up giving her the rose, and whatever other transmittable diseases he might have, as they spent a passionate night alone in the ridiculously over the top fantasy suite. (It's OK, they're a secret couple now.)
Peyton then revved up emotions among the girls when she chose Kovacs and Kiptyn for her date. Elizabeth's laser bitch stare almost burrowed a hole through my TV set, so I can only imagine what it did to Peyton. And Tenley finally stopped giggling knowing that "her man" was going out with another woman. Peyton also chose the affable and super cute Jesse B. to tag along. The four of them went drag racing and dined on champagne from a taco truck. Did ABC blow their budget on that Vegas date or what?
After a heart-to-heart with Ken Doll Kiptyn and the apparently "really funny" Kovacs (I have yet to experience this Dane Cook side to him), Peyton gave Jesse B. the rose. Back at the house, they spent a night in the roped off fantasy suite and, well, they seem to really like each other. I have nothing bad to say about the two of them…yet.
The next day, with the rose ceremony drawing nearer, and Gia on the chopping block, Wes decided to go threaten all the guys in the house by saying if they didn't vote off Elizabeth, he would murder them in their sleep. Kidding. But he did tell Kovacs that he would be the next to go if Gia went home. I guess cowboys aren't as intimidating as they used to be because his scare tactics didn't work. Maybe if he put his idle threats in a song, he would've wooed the men into keeping his girl around. Alas, Gia and Elizabeth tied for votes and Dave, the rose holder, cast the final blow. So Miss Big Lips, Dim City hugged her "Modern-Day Shaksepeare" Wessie one last time, declared her love and climbed into a limo, to travel back into the arms of her clueless boyfriend.
In other news, Weatherman was also rained out. He never really stood a chance, but it sure was fun to watch him try. So, last week's victors were this week's slaughter. Very interesting.
It's clear that as the pool of hotties whittles down, tensions in the house will only rise. And next week's Rose ceremony is sure be the "most dramatic one yet." Of course it will be. Bachelor Pad: Where Brains Go To Die