Life just keeps getting wetter at the Bachelor Pad.
Last night's episode started right where we left off, post-rose ceremony—and the tears were flowing as heavily as the champagne. Gia would not shut up about how Nikki screwed everything up by deviating from the plan. But wait, isn't that precisely what Gia did when she betrayed the outsiders' trust by giving the rose to Wes and outing Craig M? How quickly one forgets.
In brilliant Bachelor Pad fashion, by the next day, it was time to make up with a good old-fashioned disease-spreading Kissing Contest. Valtrex anyone? The guys were embarrassingly excited about this – especially Weatherman: "Lining up hot girls, I get to kiss them… and they're blindfolded? I love the Bachelor Pad." Kinky.
One by one, the men of the house grabbed and kissed those blindfolded Bachelorettes as if they had just returned from war. Tongues were wagging, and pants, I'm sure, were getting tighter. According to the girls, Dave and Wes were tongue and tongue, while Weatherman's affections just completely grossed every single girl out. 10 Surprising Facts About Kissing
Even worse, every time Tenley got kissed, she giggled like a frickin' Tickle-Me Elmo Doll. Don't worry, girlfriend—you'll get to second base one of these days. She did manage to share a tender moment with her faux beau, Kiptyn. (Only to screw it up later when she surprised him IN HIS BED while he was taking a nap, and he promptly asked her to leave. Men—so fickle.)
Other than school teacher Ashley, all the girls got their smooch on. She didn't want to lose the respect of the high school students she teaches. Um, you're on Bachelor Pad.
Then came the girls' chance to lock lips. Each dude stood blindfolded like they were about to be executed. And super happy about it, too. Elizabeth and Natalie literally attacked their captured prey, devoured their faces, and wiped their mouth like they just ate Sloppy Joes. It was gross.
Not to be outshined, Gia decided that this was the appropriate time to have a full on meltdown. After getting kissed by all the guys, she just couldn't go through with kissing them again. You mean, the promise you made to your boyfriend about being faithful to him finally kicked in after getting lubricated by seven dudes? Such a dear. So she runs off to hyperventilate on her bunk bed, only to get wooed by Wes and his magical gee-tar later in the episode. He gazed deep into her eyes and dusted off his tried and true masterpiece from Bachelorette seasons past, "Love, It Don't Come Easy." Damn straight, cowboy.
In other news, Southern Belle Peyton surprised everyone with her magic mouth, and swept the competition. Guess it's true what they say about the quiet ones. Dave Good also won, which surprised the hell out of Krisily, who's bathing suit area began to seriously tingle in the wake of his passionate tonsil hockey.