True story: after my ex-fiance and I broke up and it was seriously official official, as in there was no hope he was going to come crawling back, and even if he did that I would take him, some of my closest friends came clean. "I never liked him"; "I have to tell you Amelia, I thought he was a douche"; "You have always been out of his league." Wait, really? It's not that they had fooled me into thinking they thought he was the best guy on the planet and I was so lucky to have found him, but they'd never really indicated anything but acceptance of the person I came thisclose to marrying. And for that I am quite grateful. I would have found it extremely difficult and painful knowing that my friends didn't like or approve of or thought I could do better than the person I loved very much. Because what they thought would have mattered, at least somewhat.
I agree with John when he says, "If you care about me, then keep your mouth shout and play nice," but what he doesn't address is how it would feel to him if those friends and family members didn't play nice—if they straight-up told him that they didn't like who he was dating. As much as I think it shouldn't matter what other people think of your relationship—and that those people should keep their mouths shut—sometimes we can't help wanting the approval of others. On one hand, there are friends and family in my life whose opinions I value and trust implicitly. At the same time, only the two people involved in a relationship really know what's going on between them, who that person is as a partner. I stand by the fact that for all the douchiness some of my friends saw in my ex, there was a huge part of him that they never saw that was hilarious and wonderful. The Frisky: Dear Wendy: "My Boyfriend’s Friends Hate Me"
When friends and family members express that they don't like your significant other, perhaps it's your reaction to that information that's the real tell. Had my friends and family members pointed out what they saw as not worthy about my ex before we broke up, it might have made me see things in him I was refusing to see before. Or maybe I would have said, "I know those things about him and they don't matter to me. Who he is as a whole is what I love, flaws and all." The biggest risk is that it would have hurt my relationship with my friends and that would have been a shame. I guess I won't really know and, save I ever date a mass murderer or Spencer Pratt, I hope they'll continue to keep their opinions to themselves—at least until the relationship is in its grave.—Amelia
This article is sponsored by the TBS show "My Boys," however, the content is independently produced by The Frisky and the opinions and views expressed by the writers are their own.
By Amelia McDonell-Parry for The Frisky