Everybody needs friends, but should you care what they have to say about your significant other?
On last night's season premiere of "My Boys"—which I watched after back-to-back amazeballs episodes of "True Blood" and "Mad Men"—there was this interesting subplot about how much friends' opinions matter when it comes to relationships. The character of Kenny is dating this chick Stephanie, and Kenny's friend Mike is really disbelieving that their relationship is genuine and for real. The whole thing got me thinking a bit about whether or not it actually matters what your friends and family think about your significant other. Should Kenny and Stephanie be bothering to try and "prove" anything to Mike? For this edition of "He Said/She Said," I've brought in my brother-from-another-mother, John DeVore, to share his male perspective on the matter. Check out his thoughts and mine, after the jump. The Frisky: Girl Talk: I Hid My Interracial Relationship From My Parents
If I found proof that my best friend's new girlfriend was an organ-harvesting alien lizard woman, I'd feel compelled to tell him. But I'd need proof, like a freezer full of human heads. Absent such dramatic information, when it comes to my friends and the women they date, I mind my own business. And I like that favor to be returned.
I care about the happiness of my friends and family. I suppose I also care about the happiness of my coworkers, but only because "happiness" usually means "Bluetooth Phil doesn't whine to me about his cold empty life in the office kitchen while I nuke a bowl of pasta." But I know better to stick my nose in lives without being invited first. In my experience, people who express unwarranted opinions on other people's lives are bored with their own. And if you really care about whom your sibling or best pal is hooking up with, ask this question to yourself, "Am I just projecting my own desires and personal frustrations onto the canvas of my dear ol' chum's life?" Wait! I'll answer for you! Yes. Then there's this other little point: it just doesn't matter what I think about other people's relationships. OMG, get over yourself.
Likewise, I could care less what my friends and family think about whom I date. Why would they care? They don't have to date whoever it is I'm dating. If you care about me, then keep your mouth shout and play nice with my girlfriend. That's what friends and family do. They support the folly of those in their lives. Friends watch each other's backs, and watch out for hand grenades. Nothing more. I had a friend once who dated a terrible hurricane of a human being. She was a blond hummingbird on permanent Spring Break. I couldn't stand to be around her. One night, I almost mentioned to my friend that when his girlfriend corners me and chirps to me about her day, it's like time and space warp. I age six months in the span of six minutes. But before I could relieve myself of my own prejudices, he turns to me and, randomly, asks me if I've ever dated someone who wakes up earlier than me just so that they can cut up bananas for my cereal. I haven't, I said. He shook his head, mystified at that little act of love. Isn't she the greatest? He blushed. Yeah pal, she's the greatest. The Frisky: Dating Don'ts: How NOT To Mesh Your Friends With His
Life is too short, and bowls of happiness too rare to care about what anyone thinks. Alien space lizards aside, no one should concern themselves with whomever someone else is dating. Don't be a meddlesome, clucking busybody. If you want to ignore the failures in your life by concentrating on and criticizing the lives of others, watch reality television. That's what it's there for. Otherwise, perform a top kill maneuver on your word gusher and cap it. —John
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