Hephzibah Anderson voluntary gave up sex for a year and rediscovered romance.
Just before her 30th birthday, British journalist Hephzibah Anderson spotted her college boyfriend ring shopping with another woman ... and was startled to realize that he'd been her last meaningful relationship. Deciding that it was time to give up on flings and get serious about finding love, she decided to do the unthinkable: She gave up sex. Lemondrop: The Real Reasons Women Under 30 Aren't Having Sex
Well, for a year, at least.
By taking the focus off of the physical and putting it on to the emotional, Hephzibah hoped to figure out what she hoped to get out of real, lasting love ... and what had been taking her so long to find it. We asked her a few questions about her new book, "Chastened," a brutally honest chronicle of her (sorta) sexless year. Lemondrop: Does Oral (Or Anal) Count As Having Sex? Nobody Knows
Lemondrop: A lot of people go long stretches without having sex, and it just sort of makes them cranky. What was the hardest part of your chaste year?
Hephzibah Anderson: True! And I'd certainly had that experience myself prior to embarking upon my year without. But what made this so different was that I'd chosen it. Consequently, far from being the archetypal "dry spell," it became an incredibly fertile time of self-discovery, clarity, creativity and deep, emotional connections. All that was ample compensation for what I was missing, which isn't to say it was easy. Spring -- when even the pigeons outside my office window were getting flirty -- was particularly tough. Some of what I learnt along the way was hard to accept, too. For instance, until I stepped back from the sexual fray, I hadn't realized how emotionally guarded a decade of dating had left me.
"I feel like young girls are told that they have to be a princess and fragile. It's bulls*it. I identify much more with being a warrior—a fighter. If I was going to be a princess, I'd be a warrior princess. Definitely."