2. Try to Be Innocuous. If you see the old love on Facebook, try sending a message asking to be friends. Don't say anything about still having feelings. Your old love may very well be married now, or even gay. You need to find out what's going on before making a move. Love Bytes: "Friending" An Old Flame
3. Be aware if forgiveness is needed. Did you hurt this person's feelings way back in college? Were you hurt? Old, unresolved feelings can linger a long time, and erupt when you least expect it.
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4. Don't move too fast. If you get a positive response, go very slowly. Rushing into things means you're trying to avoid some truths. Slow down. If it's going to work, it's better if you go more slowly, and you'll have a chance to build a better foundation than before.
5. Treat it like a new relationship. Start from the beginning, and do it differently—it could work this time.
6. Analyze what went wrong the last time, and consciously try to do it differently—talk about it with your old love—if you cannot talk honestly about what went wrong and what to do differently, you'll never change anything.
7. Make sure both of you are equally determined to correct the old problems. If he or she is blaming you for everything that went wrong, disaster is imminent. If you're blaming your ex, it's just as big a problem.
8. Insist on couples therapy for both of you. Pre-commitment therapy can help you find out the pitfalls and whether you've solved the old problems, and also how realistic you are. Could Couples Therapy Really Save Us?
It's easy to romanticize the past, just make sure you're living in the present before reaching out to your former first love.
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