Beware of These Guys - Part I

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Note: Don't forget to follow my journey on my personal blog, So about what I said...

They say a good man is hard to find. So, then, naturally, by that logic, a great, wonderful, awesome, (perfect?) man must be impossible to find.

But have no fear; there’s an ever-fresh, free-flowing supply of not-so-good guys and a two-for-one deal on downright bad guys. The bad guys are like those products on those late-night infomercials: they’re everywhere, look perfect from the outside and promise to make your life easier, and then two weeks later, you look at the pathetic thing and think, “Geez, talk about false advertising.”

 

If only these sorts of guys could wear some sort of sign like “As seen on TV” or a come with a return policy, then at least we’d have a fighting chance to escape their clutches.

Oh wait, here’s a better idea: We should never get involved with them in the first place. And so, to save you the hassle of not being able to return him without a receipt, I offer the best of the worst: the Top Ten Guys To Avoid (aka, Run, Run For Your Life). These are in no particular order – it’s just all bad. Check out part II next week.  

The Playboy
Oh, the classic model, from which all other bad boys were born. This guy is slick. He’s a charmer. He knows all his stuff. He’s learned all the rules of the game and has mastered it. He knows all the right things to say, has an incredible knack for remembering important factoids about you and you just love his notion of ‘staying in the moment.’

The only problem? He’s doing that – and plenty of other things, I’m sure – with at least two, maybe three more women. Start paying more attention to the details behind the subtext. Does he plan dates a few days in advance and has an aversion to spontaneity? Is he mysteriously shady about what he does when you two aren’t cuddling. Does he clutch his cell phone at all times, never leaving it unattended? If he loves his cell phone more than you, who’s really the one being unattended to here? But he said, “I want to change for you, Susan,” did he? FYI: He most likely said the exact same phrase two Susans ago.

The Friend
I’m not putting this guy on the list because he’s bad – quite the contrary, actually. He’s one of the good ones, one of those rare gems that come around only one in a lifetime if you’re lucky. That, my friends, is the reason you must work your hardest to keep your friendship strictly, well, a friendship. Being friends is a nice place to be – like the calming poppy field scene from The Wizard of Oz. If you try taking that same high feeling to a possible boyfriend status – or even to the bedroom – I claim zero liability for the injuries you’ll receive from stepping on that mine field. Just watch When Harry Met Sally. Or, if you came of age during the glorious ‘90s, just watch a few episodes of Dawson’s Creek, back in the days when Katie Holmes was brainwashed by Dawson’s charms instead of Tom’s. Male/female friendships simply don’t transfer well to the romantic level. Ever. In fact, I only know of one example where the friendship stayed strictly platonic. My mother has been BFFs with her childhood next door neighbor Bill for almost 45 years; there’s never been anything other than friendship between them. Well, as far as I know anyway…

 
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