This is my first official post. As they say in GI Joe, knowing is half the battle. So I will share all the knowledge I can. First being, standards. Don't compromise them or think you have to or you'll scare a guy away. My friend says you can only scare away the bad ones... unless you are like insisting he tattoos your name on his chest.
So after MONTHS of going back and forth with Mr. Hot and Cold, decided to nip it in the bud once and for all and just tell him how I felt by email. Figured it would be less pressure for both of us. Several days later I finally get his response... this was after we had been out together and he acted like he didn't get my email, of course he says his friends told him that would be better because we had to go to an event together. Um, bud, you could have said something at the end of the night, but you didn't, so that was jerk move #1.... anyhoo, his short email says he can't commitment right now, blah blah blah, I'm no good for anyone. And the kicker, if I had my sh** together I would be with (name omitted, but basically another girl). Those were the magic words. He didn't want to be with me. No, he never wanted to be with me.
Suddenly the rose colored glasses came off and I could see the truth. So you've been occupying all my time -- keeping me too busy to date -- not because you want to date me, but because you want to have your cake and eat it too. Or all the best parts of a relationship without the label -- friendship and someone to go out with -- like friends with benefits. Only somehow we never got to the sex part (which he probably thinks made him a gentleman. But my guess is he was avoiding anything that might lead to a relationship).
Maybe I made something out of nothing. I mean maybe a lot of guys invite you out all the time and study your Facebook page and work in your latest post into every conversation. Like the other day when I posted that video from my favorite band and then out of no where he busts into the song chorus (this after I said I wanted to date a guy who sings). That wasn't him trying to earn cute points at all. So then what the hell was it? If I smile and applaud does that pump your ego. You don't want a relationship, you just want to feel good about yourself. Like a five-year-old looking for the gold star.
I can't put all the blame on him though. I really should have let this go MONTHS ago. I wasted so much time and energy chasing a Hot and Cold guy. A guy should be chasing you, period. They should be figuring out what it takes to win you. Ladies, we must have standards. If he is not making a move, then you do. You move on. Watch how fast he comes after you. And if he doesn't, he was never going to and now you know that. It's tough, but now you are free to find someone better. Someone who will not play games. Someone who would appreciate me putting my heart on my sleeve. That is wasted on a hot and cold guy. In truth, they are all about the chase. I think the only way to make it work with a guy like that -- if you are determined to make it work -- don't play their game. Don't say yes to everything. Go out with other guys. If he really does want to be with you, he will step up. And by step up I mean actually ask you out on a real date. If he never steps up, again he was never gonna, and hopefully he will do you a favor and move on.
As for my Mr. Hot and Cold. He said no. I moved on. Guess he thought I would wallow in it, pump his ego, but I didn't. Life is too short to waste time on someone who doesn't want you. Guess his ego couldn't take that I wasn't crying in the dark in bed because now he's coming back at me again like it never happened and I can continue to stroke his ego. Sorry bub, hip to it now. That ship has sailed. Sure, we somehow agreed to stay friends, but we won't be friends like he thinks. I will not be his stand-in girlfriend. And for that matter, I will stop being something less than what I am.
Another lesson I learned, with hot and cold you compromise yourself, trying to be who you think they want you to be so it will work out. That is total crap. If you can't be yourself, why even bother. I am done accommodating his crap. It's liberating actually. Looking forward to moving on too. That I know won't happen over night, but it's a nice thought because hot and cold, I can see clearly now, and you are so not worth it.