I think it was when I graduated from college it really hit me. I made it four years of college without having a boyfriend, going on what I considered a date, and never really kissed a guy.
While this is something that has crossed my mind many times before, between classes, extracurricular activities and work, I've had a lot of time to think about it this summer, free from major commitments. For the past few years I have also begun calling this the Josie Geller syndrome.
Granted, I am just fresh out of college, and Josie has a few more years on me, I still feel there is something wrong with me. High school was a joke for me too. Not really in the popular crowd, but not a complete nerd, I spent my days in the yearbook room. I guess moving to a different state/high school in eighth grade may have had something to do with all of this, but then maybe not. That's in the past.
My four years in college are also in the past, but that is a little more timely. I never had trouble talking to guys. My number of guy friends outnumbers my girl friends at least two-to-one. Some of them I know will never be more than just friends, some of them I wish I wasn't really friends with, and one of them still sits in the back of my mind as the one-that-could-have-but-now-never-will. I still remember the day we met, and we still are really close friends. I like to think he has a new flavor of the every five months, but I still see him. It wasn't until recently I really realized we would never be more than just friends, and I have become OK with that.
So now that I got over my crush of about four years, I still have no trouble talking with guys. It's I guess meeting them that's the problem. In a way, the whole picking up guys at bars never really appealed to me, but then again, I've never really tried it.
Watching my guy friends date is very interesting in general. One of my guy friends (one of the some of them I wish I wasn't friends with) started dating one of my girl friends, while I am happy for both of them, I know that she is too good for him, and he is way more into her then she is him, which is horrible to say, but true all the same. When he would talk to me about her, the words "hot" and "gorgeous" came up a lot. And I guess I became insecure, because I wanted someone to say that to me, and I mean really say it. Not just when girl friends say it, making you feel better, but someone who has nothing invested in, who wouldn't be on the phone with you, sharing the latest gossip anyways, Is that too much to ask?
Digressions digressions. I guess I'll just have to wait a few more years, before I really start freaking out.