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But Lover, I was on a date with a girl!

But Lover, I was on a date with a girl!
Love, Sex

I never would have thought my lover would be upset to hear me say I was on a date with a girl. He and I had discussed the terms and conditions of bringing a girl into our lives. We set some rules: What would one-time vs. ongoing relationship look like? Who makes initial contact?  We both walked away from the chat feeling like we understood and were on the same page.

Two weeks later, I told him I was going to get something to eat, not mentioning that I was meeting with a girl for us to get to know better. One of our guidelines had been that I would like to know the person. This is where the miscommunication comes in, he said "me too'. I took that to mean he wanted me to know her. He thought it meant he would. So imagine his surprise! He had at least wanted to know that I was going on a date...before the date. To his credit, I should have told him what I had planned, just a little about the person I was meeting, or at least why I wouldn’t answer my phone for 2 hours. On the other hand, I am a 'don't get your hopes up' kind of girl; I didn't want to tell him until I was sure.

Clarifying the boundaries and complete understanding of the page you are on alleviates the miscommunication. Ask each other questions. Write down the rules. Set up a strategy. These miscommunications are exactly why some people have a bad taste when they hear you are in an open relationship.


Expert advice

Save your breath because you only need two words to make him commit.
Are you REALLY thinking about their happiness?
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