Dear Dr. Romance:
I have been dating on the Internet for three years, and I've had almost 200 dates. The problem is that I hardly ever get a second date. I'm also finding that every guy I go out with has no interest in me at all, even friendship. I am confused because I am successful, attractive, outgoing, and very easygoing. I try to make my date feel comfortable with conversation and I ask questions about him. I like to at least make them laugh. I've even had a friend go to the same restaurant and sit behind me and see if they could figure out what I might be doing wrong.
I doubt if you're doing anything wrong, per se. It's probably more a case of mistaken identity. It interests me that you'd say guys you go out with have no interest in you at all -- do you mean they're only interested in sex? They must have something in mind to go out in the first place. There are several possibilities here -- perhaps your profile doesn't reflect what the man finds when he actually meets you. Or, perhaps you're expecting too much from the first date, and your disappointment shows. Or, maybe you put too much emphasis on wanting a relationship, and scare them off. Here's a thought -- instead of going out on the traditional date, invite the next man to go along with you and some of your friends to lunch or a movie, a sporting event or even an art gallery or museum. The group energy will take the pressure off dating, and give you a chance to get to see each other interact with other people.
My article "Getting to Yes" will help you check out your interaction with your new dates, and The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again can show you other ways to make dating fun, successful and safe.