911 Is Not A Dating Service, Evidently

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rotary phone with call me heart-shaped post-it
A lonely Ohio resident dials 911 for help with her love life.

As Flannery O'Connor continues to remind us, a good man is hard to find. And sometimes, finding a good man, as Marine recruiters know well, is a matter of looking in every nook and/or cranny. That's why it comes as no surprise that a woman from Ohio, by way of a town called Alliance, turned to Johnny Law for a dude. The lonely gal dialed 911 on a number of occasions, trying to track down a husband. Not her husband, per se, but any husband at all. 

The dispatch operator warned the woman that she was misusing resources and would be treated to a pair of stainless steel bracelets and an all-expenses paid trip to the Iron Bar Hilton if she kept it up, to which the woman said, "Bring it."* One would guess this spinster was hoping that a strapping, young lawman would enter her home and the whole thing would turn into the first five minutes of a porno or the last 30 minutes of a bachelorette party. No such luck. Yahoo! News has the rest of the deets, but it plays out like a lady who doesn't want to get eaten by her cats after she dies. Portrait Of A 21st-Century Spinster 

 

While there's no denying the appeal to a man in uniform (for chicks, I mean) this wasn't terribly well reasoned, and sort of played out like a sub-plot in an episode of The Shield, where Dutch gets a little too interested in a witness and blows the case because she pulls the wool over his eyes by feigning daddy issues. 7 Reasons To Date A Military Man 

Any thoughts on where to meet a quality guy in Alliance, OH? Any thoughts on where to go if you want to meet a cop? Or, if you're freaky, a fireman? 

*Note: I'm paraphrasing.