When Is It Okay to Speak Up?


When Is It Okay to Speak Up?

Name: SurferGirl | | Location: Bronx , NY |Question:
Your last post on "compromising" got me to  thinking about a recent crush -- and
how he's slowly crushed me over the past week.  "J" and I were introduced
several weeks ago by a mutual friend.  He's a never-married single dad, 45,
well-educated, good job, sweet, reasonably attractive.  I'm never-married, no
kids, also well-educated, good job, kind, fun-loving and generally considered
very attractive for my age. J and I texted&talked on the phone for about a
week, and it seemed like we had great chemistry.  He was slow to ask me out, and
when he did, he wanted to have our first date over lunch -- with his kid.  I
thought that was kind of weird, so I said, "yeah, sure," but was glad when he
didn't follow up on the day he'd suggested. (In retrospect, red flags #1 and
#2.)  He did call a couple of days later, apologizing for not having called, and
then asked me out for last Friday night (w/o the kid).   We went out to
dinner, had a great time, talked and smooched a bit at my place afterward, and
he left saying, "give me a call this weekend."  So, I called him Sunday and left
a voicemail.  He texted me Monday from work, saying that he had a great time and
couldn't wait to hang out again, and I texted back and forth a bit, finishing up
with "Call me when you're at lunch." He responded, "OK."  I proceeded to not
hear from him all day Monday.  Or Tuesday. Or Wednesday.  I finally got a text
from him tonight asking, "How u doing", to which I responded, "OK... been
wondering if you'd been kidnapped by a pack of wolves...<smiley face>". 
He then texted back, "What do you mean by that", so I pick up the phone and call
him; rather than picking up the phone, he let it go to voicemail.  I left him a
message saying calmly, "Hey, I just wanted to call b/c texting can give the
wrong impression.  What I meant was just that I'd expected to hear from you
Monday, and it's now Thursday, which is really not a big deal, so I would
still love to chat if you want.  Talk to you soon."  No response.  Sooooo, my
question is: was I wrong to send the "wolves" text?  Are women wrong when they
express even the SLIGHTEST bit of disappointment when men say they're going to
do something, then don't do it -- and then don't even apologize for it?  This is
not the first time this has happened to me, so I am beginning to wonder if I
should stop being honest in expressing my feelings and instead try to be a
"Rules girl" this summer?  If I'd followed the Rules, I wouldn't have even
responded to the text.  It's just that I really did/do like this guy, and hate
to play games in general, but wonder how much rude behavior does a girl/should a
girl swallow without speaking up (even in a lite tone)?  Part of me feels that
if I'm willing to accept the "baggage" of his kid and (allegedly be-atchie)
babymama, can't I at the very least be able to expect some common courtesy /
maturity (like, "sorry I didn't call when I said I would") that should
ostensibly derive from that "life experience"?  Or, should I compromise my
standards for the sake of "nabbing" what seems like an otherwise great guy?  But
what if what I wind up with after all that compromise is not so great after
all?  Anyway, these


Sign up for our daily email and get the stories everyone is talking about.

Must-see Videos
Stories we love
  • Hey, down in front! 11% of YourTango users have had sex in a movie theater.