Would You Compromise Who You Are For a Mate?


Would You Compromise Who You Are For a Mate?

Question #1 - Is what you wear really who you are? -
I see where you're going with the question and I understand the point
you're trying to make. I don't think you actually believe your clothes
define or are a statement to who you are as a person. If that's not the
case, then you need to determine why you feel your outfits are a
reflection of your character. Now, I think personal style is definitely
a form of expressing our personality and feelings. When we dress up, we
feel sexy, we feel happy, we're proud of whatever body parts we're
showing off. That confidence and mood comes through. But I disagree
that how you dress is about who you are. Rather, I think it's connected
to how you feel. And our feelings change all the time.

Question #2 - When these guys whistle (gross) or smile, what do you do? Do
you smile back? Do you stop and say hello? Or do you put your head down
or avoid eye contact? They're initiating contact. Do they have to do
all the work? If you're just standing there expecting the guy to walk
over to you, then you're going to be waiting a long time. If they make
eye contact and smile, then smile back and say Hi. Walk over to them,
ask their name, start to talk to them. Meet them half way. Which brings
us to the next question...


Question #3 - How do you define compromise? - This
is a big one. I think a lot of people have very different definitions
of those words we all hear when it comes to dating and relationships.
Words like "compromise" and "settle." People hear the word "settle" and
immediately think they're being told to take whatever they can get.
That's not what people are saying when they suggest they not be so
picky or to compromise. And it's that knee jerk reaction that people
have that makes them dig their heels in the ground deeper. Know what
happens when you do that? You stay in one place.

My friends and I were talking this weekend about how what I do for a
living. (I believe Driving Me Nutes referred to it as a "sex business,"
Awesome.) I was telling them about an episode of Sex&The City I was watching. Carrie had given up her column to move to Paris.

"You gave up your column? But it's who you are!" Miranda said.

"No. It's what I do. I could stay here and write about my life or I could go to Paris and live it."

I think we often confuse pieces of our lives, habits and things we
do regularly as being "who we are." I also think we use these thoughts
and beliefs as excuses for not giving anyone a chance. The insufferable
"I refuse to settle/compromise" mantra roars its head.

There are a lot of choices involved with developing certain belief
systems and desires. OP, you have told yourself that how you dress is
connected to who you are. But isn't that just an easy go-to excuse used
to support this "why should I compromise?" theory that you and many
other people use? Do you think maybe that's your way of trying to force
the man's hand to make all the moves so you can feel desired? Is that
really up to him to do that? It's as if nobody likes the idea of
changing themselves because they fear it makes them weak.It doesn't.
It's a strong person who can look at their life and determine what is
working and what doesn't, take ownership and grow.