Would You Compromise Who You Are For a Mate?

By YourTango

Would You Compromise Who You Are For a Mate?




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Name: Navygirl | | Location: Brooklyn , New York |Question: My girlfriend and I noticed something interesting about men approaching us. She's early 40s, I'm a female mid 30s.

On the rare times, when we are casual and dressed down (to the point, where we feel we look a hot mess) men approach us and ask us out.

When we are 'dolled up' and dressy, no one approaches us. They look, whistle, smile, etc.. but no one approaches. We smile, our body language is relaxed and open and still no one approaches.

We asked platonic male friends some reasons as to why this is, they listed the following
1. Dolled up, means we are high maintenance
2. We like to party and club
3. We have no intelligence
4. We are stuck up
5. When you look 'hot' you are only good for one thing (fwb)

Basically, dressed down women are low maintenance, girlfriend and wife material.




So my question to the men...if being 'dolled up' is being ourselves, but at the same time, no one is approaching us, do we need to compromise who we are to make it easier for guys to approach us??  |Age: 47



To start with, I don't believe for a moment that men are intimidated or thrown by a well put together and polished/sexy looking woman. Unless you're running around in your bra and sneakers, men are not judging your clothes. Of course, there's a line. If you have a plunging neckline with heaving breasts and a micro skirt, you're going to make a certain impression. And not "she's looking to get laid" More like, "she needs a lot of attention."  If you're heavily made up, men aren't going to be intimidated by you're beauty. They'll be wondering what you're hiding. And if all of your clothes are designer (and the only way a man would know this is if you tell him) he'll wonder if you'll expect him to bankroll your label addiction. These are the things men wonder. They are not, I repeat NOT, intimidated by a well put together, fashionable woman who can buy herself nice things. Men don't judge women based on what they wear. Men base their opinions, their final ones, on what she says and how she acts. Once she opens her mouth, the men aren't really looking at her outfit.

Moving on...

A number of questions spring to mind after reading this.

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