The Pros And Cons Of Lying To Your Spouse

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couple in bed
A white lie here and there is permissible, but some lies will damage your marriage.

Lie 6: Great job on cleaning up the yard/garage/basement.
Verdict: Benign

This is the best kind of white lie, says Puhn, because it "points out the positive and ignores the negative." He spent hours in the yard, mowing, weeding, raking and edging? Fantastic! Your yard still looks less than lovely? Who cares? Something was accomplished, and highlighting what wasn't will only guarantee that he won't be out there next weekend to finish the job.

 

Lie 7: Saying "I'm fine" when he asks how you are (even though you're not).
Verdict: Bad

What you're doing by staying mum and stewing over an issue (he forgot your anniversary, or to walk the dog) does harm to you both. "You're testing him to see if he can read your mind," says Puhn. Guess what? He couldn't do it last time you tried this, and he can't this time, either. Give the guy a chance, adds Bowman. "Most men say, 'I'll do whatever she wants, but I don't know what she wants.' If he's done something wrong, he needs a map out of the doghouse." Give it to him. Honestly.

Lie 8: That high school boyfriend on Facebook? I have no feelings for him!
Verdict: Potentially bad

The question is, do you have feelings for the ex you found on Facebook or the guy in the next cubicle? Lying about them masks what might be a problem, both personally and for the health of your marriage, says Bowman. "It's less a matter of whether or not to tell your husband, and more about being honest with yourself. If you're lying about flirty e-mails, you could be in trouble. Emotional affairs can be dangerous."

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