The bad economy has people scaling back on expense for all kinds of festivities, including birthday parties, graduation parties, and even weddings. Despite these cutbacks, party planners and caterers have shared with us that one area that still has ladies breaking out their checkbooks is the Divorce Party. So just why do women want to throw a big bash in honor of what we usually think of as a traumatic event?
Is the shock keeping women from thinking clearly or are they just looking for a way to start spending a big, fat divorce settlement? No matter what the reasons, these parties are cropping up everywhere whether the divorce being celebrated was amicable, ugly or somewhere in between. Here are our favorite reasons that women have shared with LuvemOrLeavem for why they decided to throw a divorce party.
Blowing Off Steam/Catharsis - Divorces that are particularly ugly and drawn out often result in all sorts of pent up emotions. We've nicknamed these parties the "Hooray it's over party" because these women were as happy to be done with the divorce proceedings as they were to be done with their ex-husbands. The women who threw these type of parties had the wildest stories to share, and several sent us videos from these parties featuring wedding dresses being set ablaze and phallus shaped
cakes being cut into very tiny pieces.
At first glance, I thought these parties were over the top until I read the stories of just how ugly some of these divorces had turned. After reading a story about an ex husband who fought to get the wedding china only to send it back to his ex wife smashed into mere fragments, I could understand why she felt gleeful in the video where she stuffed her marriage license down the drain and turned on the garbage disposal. Many of these women expressed that having a night of ranting about their ex was cathartic and just what they needed to start parting with all that pent up anger.
A Show of Sisterhood - The most common divorce party stories that we received fell into a category that we dubbed "the sisterhood party." The focus of these parties was to let the newly divorced woman know that she is not alone. It’s important for women to know that they still have a support system after their lives have changed so drastically, and although there was still a little ex bashing, friendship was definitely the theme of the night.
The activities at these parties were more mild than the ones that were focused on blowing off steam, and many included party games that focused on all the things that the newly divorced woman could do now that her ex was out of the picture. Many of the new divorcees were worried about being lonely during the weekends and holidays that they would be spending without their kids, and knowing that they had the support of their friends was a tremendous comfort to them. They desperately needed this support so that they could view this part of their life as a new beginning rather than just an ending.
Show of Solidarity - It is not common for the ex and his friends and family to be part of the divorce party, but it is not unheard of either. We started calling the parties that had both exes in attendance "the solidarity party." The purpose of these parties was to show everyone that the ex husband and wife were going to remain on
friendly terms and that friends and family didn’t need to choose whether
they were going to ally themselves with him or with her.
Unfortunately, stories of these types of parties were rather rare, which is likely because a truly amicable divorce is fairly rare. All of the parties in this category were thrown by couples with children, and their children appeared to be the driving force behind their desire to have this show of solidarity. They wanted the children to feel that their relationship with their parents would remain the same even though mom and dad were no longer living together. One women even told us the she and her ex wrote “divorce vows” where they promised that they would not speak badly about each other or make major parenting decisions without consulting one another.
So if you are considering throwing a divorce party, you are likely to have one of these top three reasons in mind. Despite the stereotype of bitter women who just can't wait to engage in some good old fashioned male bashing, there are good reasons to throw a divorce party that have nothing to do with dwelling on how bad life was with your ex. If you feel that a divorce party will help you move forward after your divorce, then you should go ahead and throw the type of party that best reflects what you want most out of your post divorce life.
*Take a listen to our exclusive Divorce Party Song to learn the melody and lyrics for when it's time to cut that divorce party cake.