This summer the action in South Africa is on the pitch. Mostly.
The soon-to-kick-off World Cup in South Africa is notable for many reasons: It's the first time the Cup has been held in Africa, it's the biggest sporting event in the world, it will be missing several of the world's most famous players due to injury, and it's a great reason to drink beer at 7:30 in the morning. It will also be a festival of fetching man-flesh the likes of which the world has never seen. Soccer players are unique among all athletes because their game requires them to run around for 90 minutes at a stretch, which means the boys are guaranteed to be in tip-top shape (and to have loads of stamina), and the players' showy athleticism leads to completely awesome maneuvers like the stunning bicycle kick Fabio Cannavaro executes thirty seconds into this epic Nike ad. But that's enough about the game. Let's talk about the hotties.
Carlos Bocanegra, USA
The United States has a pretty limited tradition of winning at international football—the president acknowledged as much when wishing the national team well at the White House yesterday. But one thing we are good at is manufacturing hotties. American captain Carlos Bocanegra, who plays professionally for Rennes in France, is one of our best accomplishments. The 31-year-old defender (hey, happy birthday, Carlos!) is originally from California and as far as we can tell is single. Perhaps it is time to start chanting "U-S-A! U-S-A!" in hopes he'll get carried away and throw us his jersey. Super Bowl vs. World Cup
Cristiano Ronaldo, Portugal
You knew this was coming. Planet Football's highest-paid superstar is also a tabloid magnet; he's been linked to Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian, had a long-term relationship with model Nereida Gallardo that ended in 2008, and is now reportedly dating swimsuit model Irina Shayk. And there are eight very good reasons why we're obsessed with him: yes, those. Sure, he's vain and petulant and a diva. But he's so very pretty. Sigh. Spanish Media Paid Woman To Bed Cristiano Ronaldo