I do not understand why men are such indecisive and pathetic creatures that they cheat on their women. I have never been cheated on, but have always been “the other woman”. And it may surprise you that it was always unknowingly and unintentionally.
I have certain morals which I follow, one of which is that I never go after taken men. However they seem to be the only one attracted to me. And I start to fall for them, not knowing that they are cheating on their girlfriends, not knowing that their girlfriends even exist.
I foolishly allow myself to fall for them, thinking they are wonderful and that they only have eyes for me, yet I am oblivious to what is standing before me. It was like that with Markus, I met him while overseas and we spent a while together, we did get intimate, but didn’t go the whole way as I didn’t feel ready (it would’ve been my first time). When I returned home two weeks later, we emailed each other every other day and one day I received an email in which he had written “My girlfriend and I are going through a though time, it’s very difficult at the moment”. You could imagine my surprise when I found out this man I was with had had a girlfriend the whole time. I felt dirty and so pathetically naïve, nut what I felt the worst about was how his girlfriend must feel. She doesn’t even know what her low life boyfriend was doing and how he is not worth her time or love at all. Well what could I do besides write back and tell him that I wouldn’t have done what we did if I knew he was in a relationship and wished him and her all the best and that they sort it all out.
And now, I work with a man, Dean, who I met 2 months ago. I was immediately attracted to him and started to flirt discretely. Soon enough he was texting me daily and spending ever break and lunch with me. After a few weeks of our pretty full on flirting, a woman added me on Facebook. As I had never met her, and was curious as to see as to how she knew me and I clicked on her profile only to read that she was in a relationship with Dean. I couldn’t believe it, the guy who had been flirting with me, texting me everyday, spending at least 4hours a day, the guy who I’d started to fall for was taken. Had been in a steady relationship for at least a year, And I could not have him.
I cannot believe he didn’t tell me. But then, imagine how she must feel. A friend must’ve told her Dean and I were hanging out a lot and being paranoid, rightfully may I add, she wanted to check me out. Poor girl. He has been spending so much time with me, talking and laughing, I don’t know when he would’ve had the time to be with her.
So I still see him everyday. He still texts me everyday. He still flirts with me everyday. And he still has a girlfriend. And it’s killing me, but I will never tell him that.
I will live this mediocre existence where I don’t allow myself to care about men more than as friends. Because I am afraid I will get hurt, rejected or used again. And worse, that I may be the reason why another girls happiness is destroyed.
But I will never stop caring. No matter how much these cowardly and pathetic men have deceived me.
Foolish, I know.
But what would you do?