Finally, most guys are fans of Transformers. Emoticon sounds like a classification of Decepticon, whose role is to trick a man into loving her, tear his still-beating heart out, insult his penis and tell everyone he knows that he cried. And since transforming robots are very strong and made of metal, we'd be helpless to stop this probable sexual dynamo from crushing us. No one wants any part of that.
Most fellas are all for expediting almost everything; we turn "negotiation" into "negosh," we text rather than call and we sometimes write "lolz" instead of "that was truly a humorous observation." But most dudes cannot, and will not, embrace emoticons, at least until someone explains both what they mean and how to make them do something lewd. Yes, the thinking is a little emoticonvoluted logic.