Do you know what gossip bloggers dream about, other than Brad and Angelina getting married at George Clooney's place in Lake Como while Robert Pattinson and Miley Cyrus make out in a broom closet? We dream about never, ever having to write about gross, drug-addicted, violent misogynist Charlie Sheen, who keeps marrying women and knocking them up and then cheating on them with hookers, smacking them around, and being a general dickweed. Oh! And he's still the most highly-paid actor on television! Way to go with that, CBS. Way to enable a complete jackass. We have a great deal of affection for Martin Sheen and Emilio Estevez, but seriously, we fervently wish their son/brother would disappear from the face of the earth.Charlie Sheen Is Violent, Likes Threesomes
4. Jim Carrey
Jim Carrey needs to shut his damn mouth. Or disable his Twitter feed. Ever since he broke up with Jenny McCarthy, the man who once literally talked out of his ass has been on a mad screed, indicting Elin Woods for being complicit in her husband's vast infidelities and ranting nonsensically in a way that makes him sound like something out of Lewis Carroll. Dude. Just shut it. Did Jenny McCarthy Leave Jim Carrey Over Drugs?
5. Tito Ortiz
The ongoing Jenna Jameson–Tito Ortiz meltdown is one big, confusing mess, but the news today that the two have mutually withdrawn their criminal complaints makes us pause. Especially when we learn that Tito could lose up to $15 million in Ultimate Fighting contracts and endorsements if he's prosecuted for domestic violence. There is nothing about this case that isn't slimy. Ugh. How effing hard is it not to beat up women? Jenna Jameson & Tito Ortiz Change Their Stories
6. Jesse James
Jesse is not getting off this list any time soon, especially if he keeps saying stupid-ass things like "The decision to let my wife end our marriage, and continue the adoption of Louis on her own, has been the hardest." "Let" her end the marriage? We weren't sure Jesse James could get any grosser, and then he releases this statement acting like he's the good guy who's so graciously not contesting his wife's divorce filing when all of America has seen him giving a Heil Hitler salute and heard from the army of skanks he cheated on his wife with. Wow. The point? He is not getting it. 7 Worst Mistresses Of All Time
7. Larry King
Larry almost seems like an afterthought, given the caliber of rotten that came before. But sleeping with your wife's sister is pretty revolting, even when you aren't so old you have to be carbon-dated. Even if Larry and wife Shawn had an arrangement, given that she was allegedly cheating, too, we'd bet next week's paycheck that arrangement didn't include her sister. Ew. Gross. Time to shower in lye to get the stench off!
Photo via Bauer-Griffin.