A new book by Andrea Syrtash urges single women to date the opposite of their type. Here's why.
You enter a bar and scope out the scene. In a matter of minutes you have already taken in the surroundings and grouped the men into two categories: "my type" and "not my type." Into the first category go all the men who resemble past loves, celebrity crushes, your ideal match, and the image you have of yourself. Into the second category go all the poor souls who are too different from you, who aren't dressed in a certain way, who talk to loud or too soft, who are too stuffy or too smart, who have too many friends or not enough, or any one of the number of other qualities you've deemed unattractive in a date. The 4 Types Of Attraction
With that done, you sit down, smooth your hair, and do your best to look available.
Lo and behold a potential suitor approaches. But as he grows nearer, your heart drops as you realize that he's a member of the latter category. In an instant you've made up your mind—you're not interested because he's not your type. However, you do your best to humor him and even accept a drink or two. He's funny, and smart, and he makes you laugh, but he's too business and you're too artsy. So you smile and half-listen but all the while you're busy trying to catch the eye of the brooding musician across the room, and it doesn't take long before Mr. Category 2 gets the picture and excuses himself.
You're relieved and wait anxiously for Mr. Category 1 to finally make his way over to you. However time passes and he's still at the bar talking about Passion Pit with his friends. And sure enough, a girl walks in, puts her arm around his neck and kisses him. He's taken. Ugh. How To Date In The Present
Another night and you're going home alone. But it's not your fault, you think to yourself, all the good guys are taken!
We've all blown off a perfectly dateable man simply because he's not our type. Instead we wait for a relationship with the kind of guy we think is our type to finally work out. And how did we settle on this type in the first place?
Well, that's the reason so many of us singles are, well... still single.
In her new book He's Just Not Your Type (And That's A Good Thing), relationship expert Andrea Syrtash delves into this phenomenon and explains the problem with falling into the pattern of dating a certain type. More often than not, she writes, these relationship patterns end in heartbreak because women are looking for the WRONG type. And in the process, excluding a large percentage of the eligible male population. What if your soulmate is hanging out in your Category 2?
In her book, Syrtash divides the Nontypes we should be dating into three categories:
- Departure nontype (DNT): he has the opposite qualities of the people you often date
- Superficial nontype (SNT): he doesn't add up on paper and doesn't fit the criteria on your perfect-spouse checklist
- Circumstantial nontype (CNT): even though you normally would, outside circumstances prevent you from going for him
Below, we've outlined some of the most common nontypes and what Syrtash has to say about them.
"He's Too Nice"(DNT)
So, so, so, so SO many women are attracted to bad guys. And we get it, we really do. They're exciting and interesting and live on the edge. But they always end up treating us poorly. We expect them to change but they never do. So instead of jumping from one bad boy to another, Syrtash suggests something absolutely revolutionary: give a nice guy a chance! Remember, like she says in the book, "Nice and weak are not synonymous." 5 Courtship Rules Modern Daters Can Use
According to OKCupid, 51 percent of female users polled say they would not consider dating a shorter man. But when it comes down to it, something superficial like height has very little to do with compatibility and long-term romantic success. How would we like it if a man refused to date us because of something like shoe size? If you've fallen for a man of shorter stature, buy yourself a trunk-load of flats and go with it. Just be happy you've found someone you love.
"He's Just A Friend"(CNT)
Many women look at turning friendship into romance as too risky. But what kind of relationship is without risk? Sure you could be jeopardizing your friendship, but the possible payoff is priceless. The truth is many long-lasting romantic relationships begin in friendship. So don't use the "he's just a friend" excuse. If you feel a spark, follow up on it. Many happily married couples refer to their spouse as their best friend, and you've already got that part of the equation! 7 Things All Single Women Need
From now on, when you're approached by someone who isn't your type don't immediately write them off. Because what do you know about your type anyways? Give him a try and the benefit of the doubt. He might surprise you.