Dating Disaster: A Guy, A Girl, Her Gas

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woman holding her stomach
One woman's cautionary tale of what not to eat before a first date.

What a gentleman, I noted, as I lay face down on his bed. He straddled me and slowly started caressing my shoulders. He rubbed, tickled, nibbled, and did all those wonderfully erotic things that would make my knees quiver if I didn't have to fart so badly. I was clenching so tight I could feel my butt crack sweating.

Normally, I'd just suck it back up, but his body weight pressing down on my lower back made that impossible. Who was I kidding? I couldn't have sex in my condition. He was going to find out sooner rather than later. He seemed like a keeper, too. Poor guy. Think Your Way To Better Sex

"Lemme get some lotion."

He rolled off me and disappeared into the bathroom. I saw my window to slowly squeak out my festering toot, but not knowing whether or not this rogue fart would stink, I wasn't taking any chances. I glanced at Bella, happily lazing in her bed. I wondered if she could feel my pain.

Philip came back and assumed his position, only this time he scooted a little lower down. He massaged my lower back and starting rimming my ruffled skirt with his thumbs. Layer by layer, he lifted my skirt, revealing my adorable boy short panties I had recently purchased from Target. How To Tackle Money Matters In Relationships

"La Perla. I like."

"Thank you." I'd heard the name La Perla on Sex and The City and I knew they were like, two hundred dollar drawers. Mine cost $7.99. This guy was quickly becoming out of my league. I had better stay charming.

He worked his hands under my skirt and started kneading my butt through my imposter panties. It felt fantastic. My butt is my favorite spot to be massaged. It's where I carry all my tension. I especially love a good elbow rammed in to the cheeks. Tips To Get Men More Into Foreplay

I let out a little moan.

"Oh, you like that, do you?" Philip asked, leaning in a little closer.

"Yeah, that feels good." I buried my head in the pillow and let out a muffled sigh.

"Maybe you'll like this then," he whispered into my crack, and, before I knew it, plunged down full-force upon my tushie with knuckled fists.

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