Now we know why Silda Spitzer stood by her man Eliot: she believed that her husband's hooker-banging was her fault.
"The wife is supposed to take care of the sex. This is my failing,'' she is quoted as saying in Peter Elkind's new book The Rise and Fall of Eliot Spitzer. "I wasn't adequate."
Le sigh. Guess a J.D. from Harvard Law isn't enough to purge a victim's guilt for the perpetrator's crime. Why Do Men Buy Sex?
But hold on for a second. What responsibility does the wife bear for her husband's infidelities? (Or a husband for his wife's?) The "politically correct" answer would be "zero," but is it the truth?
After all, even Dr. John Gray, author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, is suggesting that bad sex may have been to blame for that other celebrity sex scandal recently in the news. Did Tiger Cheat Because Of Bad Sex With Elin?
Now, suppose you were to strip away the gender associations and simply rephrase her statement as this: The marriage partner is supposed to take care of the sex... I, as the marriage partner, wasn't adequate as a sexual partner. Would it change your mind? Would it change your mind if you found out that the two of them hadn't been sharing a bed in the last few years? Or that menopause had robbed the fifty-something Silda of her ability to enjoy sexual intercourse with her husband?
Who knows if any of that is true? Only Silda and Eliot. So perhaps we should refrain from wanting to sick Jenny Sanford on Silda for her wrong-headed, anti-feminist ways. It is OK to forgive a partner for their infidelities. It is OK to want to work on your marriage after an affair. It is OK to realize that there may have been a reason why he cheated.
Perhaps the big offense here is that Silda seems to be taking on all the responsibility herself. Or that she seems to be equating the "why" of the cheating with an excuse of the cheating. No matter what was going on, no matter if Silda was refusing to role play sexy nurse with Eliot, Eliot still cheated, and for that Eliot is responsible.Improve Your Love Making With Sexual Role Play