3 Modest Suggestions For Kate Gosselin

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shut up Kate Gosselin
Kicked off Dancing With the Stars, what should Kate Gosselin do next?

This has been a rough week for Our Lady of the Overstimulated Ovaries, shrieking leech Kate Gosselin. First she got booted off Dancing With the Stars, because she cannot dance and is not a star, and then Life & Style revealed that Kate hasn't had sex for over a year. Oh, and then she hit on Anderson Cooper. Which is just embarrassing. So in the spirit of helping, we have a few suggestions for how Kate Gosselin can make some changes and try not to be the most loathed former mullet-wearer in America. Kate Gosselin Is 'Ready To Date,' But Who?

Stop trying to be famous.

A friend of Kate's allegedly told Popeater that Kate wants to date a famous man now that Jon is out of her life. "Kate is serious about going Hollywood and thinks dating a celebrity is a great idea," the source told Popeater. "When Kate sees how Tom Cruise changed Katie Holmes' life, it became clear that she needed to do the same. Obviously, she knows she's not yet ready to date a George Clooney, but she thinks she would be the perfect partner for a Jeff Goldblum or someone like David Hasselhoff."

ARE YOU KIDDING WITH THIS BULL. Not that we have some sort of celebrities-are-royalties complex in this country (after all, look at all the famous dudes who marry hairdressers, bartenders, and makeup artists), but seriously, Kate Gosselin, Jeff Goldblum? We would like to remind Kate that she is a former nurse from Nowhere, Pennsylvania, and that she has eight kids at home and maybe should go take care of them rather than putting together her eight-point plan to get into The Fly's gentleman parts. As for the Hoff, yes, that's exactly what eight children under 10 need for a stepfather: an alcoholic who used to be famous in Germany.

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