Infidelity 101: What Is An Emotional Affair?
By Lauren Fritsky. Posted on .
This same study also noted that a person's "attachment style" may indicate how severely they'll react to infidelity. Men tend to have more "dismissive" attachment styles that value independence above relationships, researchers found. Such men have a perspective on cheating that comes from a more evolutionary, competitive basis—they are concerned that if a woman cheated, their kids aren't really their own.
Women, who typically have "secure" attachment styles—where they appreciate and accept relationships with others—display the reverse. They prize the intellectual and emotional connection with their spouses and are less scathed by sexual straying. Of course, like all things in the realm of love, these distinctions aren't automatically gendered: women can have a dismissive attachment style, and vice versa, so don't assume that your partner's gender will determine their reaction to a specific type of infidelity.
Couples Can Recover
Couples can survive an emotional affair if both are willing to address the issues that led to it, Dr. Potter-Efron says. As for the other party in the affair, it may be possible to return to a normal level of friendship if you can stop the oversharing. As the person who cheated begins confiding in her partner again, the person she cheated with becomes less enticing, because her emotional needs are once again being met at home. Recovering From An Emotional Affair
As for Gwen, she quickly ended contact with Tom after learning that he had married his girlfriend. She still struggles with how their relationship played out more than a year later.
"I'm still not even ready to date," she admits.
3 Signs You're Having An Emotional Affair
You or your significant other may be having an emotional affair if there is:
- Idealization: "They're talking about somebody as if they're the best thing since sliced bread," Dr. Potter-Efron says.
- Loss of time: "Your partner is spending more time on the computer. He has to have a talk with his 'friend' before he leaves the office," Dr. Potter-Efron says.
- Secrecy: "A telltale sign of questionable behavior is hiding things, leaving out certain pieces of information, distorting the truth, or outright lying to your partner about your interactions with someone," Dr. Cilona says.
