The Bedroom: Playing Nice Isn't Always Best

"I think you're great," I told him over martinis on our third date, "but I just don't think we're compatible." Mike was smart, interesting, and nice ... too nice when we slept together for the first time earlier that week. There had been no throwdown, no frantic disrobing, no moaning loud enough to wake the neighbors, no playfulness. Instead, there was soft music playing in the background, gentle kisses on my eyelids, careful caressing, uncomfortable, unwavering eye contact, and ... Oh, God, is he making love to me? The Frisky: 15 First Date Mistakes To Avoid

I had been afraid this would happen. When he had told me that he and his ex-wife hadn't been on the same page in the bedroom, I emailed my friend Anya with my interpretation: "One of them liked it rough; one of them is a snoozefest," crossing my fingers that he was the former. The Frisky: 10 Things We've Learned About Men From Having One-Night-Stands

But it takes two to tango and two to have Lifetime movie sex, so I tried to do my part in picking up the pace and setting a more aggressive tone. I grabbed his hair. I told him to kiss my neck when he went for my forehead. I put his hands where I wanted them. "You don't have to be so gentle," I finally said, hoping to inspire more gusto. The Frisky: Dating Don'ts: Fight or Flight?

And I did. So much so that, three minutes after we started, he switched to jackhammer mode and finished ... and I was done.

This wasn't the first time I had put my foot down when it came to first-time sex with a new guy. My ex-boyfriend recently reminded me that the first time we slept together, in lieu of pillow talk, I sighed, expressed my dissatisfaction, and suggested we give it another shot. When I was younger, before I fully grasped the Golden Rule of Dating, I even found myself guilty of pulling the slow fade-out on a bad one-night-stand who wanted more. The Frisky: MERRIme, A New Web Comedy About Online Dating