How To Save A Sexless Marriage

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unhappy couple in bed
Is your marriage sex-starved? Here's how to get married sex back.
Is your marriage sex-starved? Here's how to get married sex back.
Data suggests that one in three American marriages is sex-starved, and a quick web search reveals enough books on the subject to comprise an entire genre. To learn more about this widespread relationship-killer, we talked to Michele Weiner-Davis, MSW, author of The Sex-Starved Marriage and founder of DivorceBusting.com, about the causes and effects of the sex-starved marriage, as well as how to get your intimate life -- and your marriage -- back on track.

Data suggests that one in three American marriages is sex-starved, and a quick web search reveals enough books on the subject to comprise an entire genre. To learn more about this widespread relationship-killer, we talked to Michele Weiner-Davis, MSW, author of The Sex-Starved Marriage and founder of DivorceBusting.com, about the causes and effects of the sex-starved marriage, as well as how to get your intimate life - and your marriage - back on track.

AOL Health: How does sex leave a marriage?

Data suggests that one in three American marriages is sex-starved, and a quick web search reveals enough books on the subject to comprise an entire genre. To learn more about this widespread relationship-killer, we talked to Michele Weiner-Davis, MSW, author of The Sex-Starved Marriage and founder of DivorceBusting.com, about the causes and effects of the sex-starved marriage, as well as how to get your intimate life - and your marriage - back on track.

AOL Health: How does sex leave a marriage?

Michele Weiner-Davis: It can happen for a variety of reasons. Sometimes, the reasons are biological: an underlying medical issue, hormonal fluctuation, cardiovascular disease, a chronic illness, or a medication used to treat an illness or depression. If desire starts to wane, a person should first get a complete check-up and get their medications adjusted. Sometimes, people have poor body image or feel stressed about work or the economy, but one of the primary reasons is relationship issues. Some people don't want to be physical with a partner they're not getting along with. And it's not just women who steer clear of sex when they feel criticized or taken for granted - I'm convinced that low desire in men in the best-kept secret in America.

AOL Health: The number of times couples have sex ebbs and flows. When do you know you have an issue?

Weiner-Davis: Unlike vitamins, there are no daily minimum requirements for a healthy sex life. Many Americans say that they have sex one or two times a week, which may be too much for some couples and not enough for others. And of course, in all marriages, sexual desire can rise and fall depending on what's going on in your life. The problem occurs when a couple feels out of sync for a long period of time, when in addition to lacking sex, they stop sitting next to each other, stop cuddling, stop laughing at each other's jokes -- essentially, they stop being friends.

AOL Health: Is this more common these days, or are people just more open about it?

Weiner-Davis: I think that it's a bit of both. Our lives have gotten so hectic almost every couple complains about feeling like they're in the rat race, so that contributes to more distance. But also with the Internet and reality television, we've gotten much more verbal, and much more willing to discuss really personal issues.

Next: Do people have affairs because of a lack of sex in their marriages?

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