How To Date In The Present


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Do you fantasize about marriage on a first date? You may need to learn how to date in the present.

Sometimes we have unrealistic expectations. So what happens when fantasy collides with reality, and reality doesn't meet the unreasonable fantasy? You become unreasonably disappointed… which could have been avoided had you refrained from fast-forwarding the relationship. Burying yourself in a pint of ice cream to get over a three-week fling is wasted heart and mind energy, not to mention calories. Breakups To Make You Laugh and... Cringe

So how do you keep your heart and mind in a calm, healthy, and present state?


Relax. Think of early dating as get-to-know-him time, not a deep, evaluative process to see if he is marriage material.

Menu Date. Keep your options open—sample the other offerings on the menu in order to keep yourself occupied and prevent yourself from fixating on one particular person.

Keep some distance. Avoid using "coupley" words ("we", "us", "our"), introducing him to family members or carving out space for him in your closet.

Read trashy romance novels. Instead of projecting your desires on some unsuspecting new guy, get lost in pages and pages of romance novels filled with fantasies.

Live in the moment. Don't forecast or map out the future (i.e. penciling him in as your date to your cousin's wedding in the fall).

Slow down. If you plan to go the distance with a guy, you need to be headed in the same direction at the same pace. Chances are if you slow down, he will soon meet you halfway.

Remember that if it's the real thing, it will still be there later. Typically, guys need more time to process how they are feeling. Give them time to decide that what they are feeling is real.

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