Merry Christmas, you Ho, Ho, Ho! You've been a very bad girl!


Merry Christmas, you Ho, Ho, Ho!  You've been a very bad girl!
General advice on relationships, work, life in general and training your "dawg" to be obedient.

   I don't want any late night phone calls or weepy e-mails whining that you can't believe your ex-boyfriend won't return your calls after you dumped him with the, "I just want to be friends" speech.  I don't want to hear that you are shocked this same guy won't talk to you after you hooked up with his business partner, his drinking buddy, some artsy-fartsy type you met at a bar, or the refrigerator repairman!  I don't want to look at your tear-stained face and listen in between sobs that you can't believe he won't forgive you, that you made a simple mistake and he's treating you like you killed his dog!  Well, yeah, he IS going to treat you that way, you DID just kill his "dawg"!  Girl, he thought YOU were his "dawg"!  You could not hurt him any more than if you had just shot, killed and barbequed Fluffy right in front of him.  What you did was not only break a man's heart but made sure you lost a friend in the process.

   Ladies, if you want to be a pimp with the gentlemen, you have to learn to act like a pimp!  I don't mean you start calling them your bitches and ho's.  I mean you learn to balance what you want with what they need and handle them with kid gloves.  You have to learn to stroke a man's ego.  Ego is a man's BIGGEST attribute, regardless of what his feet and hands may say!  You want to be attentive but not too attentive.  He has a mother and he doesn't need you to be another mother. 


   What every man needs is a lady in public and a whore in bed!  I mean, climb the walls, hair-pulling, screeching monkey-sex behind closed doors but when you're out in public, sweet, articulate, polite with legs crossed and a quiet tongue.  Not some screaming, cussing, hissy-fit throwing banshee or some sneaky, devious dime-a-dozen slut passing your number out to other men.  Honey, the streets are full of trash like that, no need to lower yourself to that level, unless you like being on that level. 

   You need to handle your business at home first, then handle your business on the streets!  If you don't want to be in a relationship with the man you are currently dating, then let him down gently.  There is going to be some heartache, that's par for the course, but it will be lessened if you let the man down with tact, grace and humility.  Be honest but not brutely honest!  Tell him that while you adore him and that while you love all the attention he's given and the time he's spent with you will be forever cherished, you find yourself in a different place than he does and that you need to be free of the relationship for a while.  Let him know that he is still special to you but you feel that the two of you are spending too much time together and in doing so, the lines of the relationship are beginning to blur and you need to take a step back before one of you gets hurt.  Be careful with your tone of voice.  It says more than the words coming out of your mouth at times.  (Kid gloves, remember!)