14. 1 In 5 People Have Sexted The Wrong Person
Regardless of phone type, 20 percent of us have used said phone to sext the wrong person. "Yeah, mom it’s just shorthand for, um, I want you to, hmm, stop by my home." Let this be a lesson to you: don't sext. Ever. It's just not worth the risk.
15. Menstrual Cramps Mess With A Woman's Brain
Maybe we can’t blame bad texts on inattentiveness alone. It turns out that menstrual cramps also cramp our brains (I mean lady brains, not some lewd reference to the male body).
16. Couple Sues Counselor Over Advice To Cheat
Speaking of brain cramps, a couple claims that their therapist instructed the husband to cheat a bit. And now they’d like him to give them monies for their subsequent pain and suffering. Lesson? Take all advice with an entire cup-full of salt.
17. Chicago Couple Sues To Prove They're Not Swingers
And other people are getting in on the litigiousness. A Chicago-area couple did not like the rumor that they were swingers, and they sued everyone and won. It’s a different kind of key party, ya'll.
18. Judge Orders Couple To Bisect Home With "Divorce Wall"
Not all judges stop at cash settlements and stern warnings. A humerous New York judge made a couple build a wall down the middle of their home. I hope they have two bathrooms. Hello!
19. Straight Couple Denied Civil Union Twice
Goll dern it, a UK couple has been denied their appeal for a civil union. Apparently, the powers that be have a separate thing for them. Some doohickey called a "marriage."
20. Cougar Sneaks Warcraft-Loving Canadian Teen Paramour Into America
At least they were of consensual age. An American lady snuck into Canada (not a mean feat) and brought her Warcraft-loving younger fella back to the USofGross. A nice reminder that being a cougar is okay... but only if your man is of age.
21. Lovesick Fellow Shuts Down Newark Airport
A dude in Newark didn't break any international laws, but did shut down the busiest airport in America's most densely populated state by sneaking past a distracted member of the TSA and embracing his departing lover. No one was particularly amused. Don't mess with airline security, people.
22. Diabolical Woman Gets Arrested For Thinking 911 Dispatch Is A Dating Service
Our law enforcement and security personnel, nay heroes, are not here to facilitate our love lives. A woman in Ohio had to spend some time in the slammer to learn that one after trying to get dates by dialing 911.
23. Court Says: Dutch HMOs Also Not An "Escort Service"
And one Dutchman learned the same thing regarding health practitioners and care-givers. They are not here to sponge-bathe one body part until it makes a bigger mess.
24. Did Woman Fake Leukemia For Dream Wedding?
Speaking of really bad tricks, a woman in New York is alleged to have concocted a Leukemia ruse to get people to pay for her wedding. She was not available for comment.
25. Bride Takes Down Groom & Joey Chestnut In Cake-Eating Contest
But a much more fun woman in Jacksonville, Florida had a much, much more fun plot: challenge her eating champion husband (and hot dog muncher extraordinaire Joey Chestnut) to a cake-eating contest. A nice reminder that you should try to connect with your partner based upon their hobbies and interests and humiliate them by being better at everything.
26. Lady Sets Record With 100+ Bridesmaids
While we're not sure if a record was set there, a bride did set a record by having 110 bridesmaids. Many of them lil kids. Adorable.
27. Orgy With Guns And Drugs Predictably Ends Badly
And here's a lesson on why drugs, orgies and guns are fine and dandy on their own, but are like oil and water and fire and sharks and open wounds and chainsaws when put together.
Let’s hope that all the ridiculous things in 2011 happen to other people and don't involve firearms, fraudulent weddings OR the TSA.