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Resentment: Molten Lava in One's Bones

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Resentment:  Molten Lava in One's Bones
Divorced mom Delaine Moore openly discusses resentment towards the ex and how she struggles with it.

3. I’m resentful that on top of everything I do as a full-time caregiver and working mom, I’m also constantly worried about what he’ll do next to try and reduce his support payments.

4. I’m resentful that he still doesn’t have the courtesy to give me a parenting schedule.

5. I’m resentful that he has continually refused to deal with our issues through mediation, even though I’ve practically begged him too. So now, come March, we’ll be in court. Such a waste of money.

6. I’m resentful of how I have to chase him to pay Section 7 expenses. These are the extra costs he is legally required to pay around the kids’ sports activities, schooling and pre-school. What dad shouldn’t want to pay for his kids to play soccer?

7. I’m resentful that his ongoing belief to this day is that if I work regular full-time hours and stick the kids in daycare, all our problems will be solved. If I disappear from my kids’ lives for 10 hours a day, the emotional cost to my children will be devastating – I am the one and only solid person they have in their lives, and they need me now more than ever. Moreover, the cost of daycare will be over $2000/month. It doesn’t take an Einstein to crunch the numbers and see how in the end, the only people who lose are the kids cause they won’t have a parent around! Surviving Low Income Hell As A Single Mom

8. I’m resentful of the fact that to deal with point #3, I instead choose to parent full-time AND work full-time whenever the kids aren’t around or they’re sleeping. I know this is MY choice, I know I don’t ‘have’ to work around the clock. But my kids come first. The sad reality, however, is that I only have so much time and energy to give; sometimes I honestly feel like I’m going to break.

9. I’m resentful that he ignores my requests for help/support. I have no family in town. I’m truly doing everything on my own. Whether he thinks this or not, to me his silence translates into a “F*** you bitch. I pay you what I think I’m suppose to and everything else is yours to deal with.”

10. I’m resentful and so very, very disappointed that instead of acting like a protector, a guardian, a man of honor, his ongoing actions bespeak a person who is first and foremost concerned about himself. I WANT to like him, I WANT to respect him and I even want him to be happy. But I feel he has failed the children and I so badly, that he is so untrustworthy, unreliable and self-centered, that I’m going to lose any remaining faith I have in him as a man.

Do you harbor feelings of resentment towards your ex? Are you struggling to move beyond them? Please feel free to share your thoughts and stories.

Written by Delaine Moore for Divorced Women Online

 

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