Snooping On Your S.O.? Be Prepared For What You Might Discover


Surprised woman with hands over mouth
7 surprises that playing detective could turn up.

#3 SNOOPING DISCOVERY: That you weren't the first girl he ever loved.

OK, so I lied. I did do a little snooping on my ex before we broke up. Early on in our relationship, he went on a week-long trip to Bermuda and I stayed at his place while he was gone. I took the opportunity to turn his apartment over, looking for any and all evidence of what his previous relationship was like. I found a diary—a dude diary!—that he kept briefly in college, at the height of their love affair. In it he described how he felt about her and it just made me sick to my stomach. Of course I knew that he had loved someone before me, but suddenly I found myself comparing how he felt about me to the way he seemingly felt about her and I was jealous that he wasn't keeping a diary about me. Worst of all, I couldn't tell him how I felt because I was the a**hole who snooped through his private things—including his effing diary!—when he had entrusted me with the care of his apartment. The Frisky: Have You Ever Snooped Through Your Significant Other's Finances?



#4 SNOOPING DISCOVERY: That you don't really know him as well as you thought.

A friend of mine also did a little snooping in a boyfriend's apartment when he was away and discovered a treasure trove of journals that she couldn't resist reading. What she learned painted a far different picture of the guy she thought she knew and loved. "In one of the journals, he wrote about how proud he was for having the good sense to see the long-term financial potential after the September 11th attacks—exploiting the real estate market after that tragedy allowed him to buy an apartment downtown, where prices had taken a nosedive. I mean, I get that it was a smart move, but he just seemed so psyched and proud of himself. People died, dude."

SNOOPING VERDICT: Worth it if it illuminates personality traits that you definitely don’t want in your S.O. Not worth it if it just puts a knot in your stomach.

#5 SNOOPING DISCOVERY: How financially successful—or unsuccessful—he is.

Money is an uncomfortable topic for many. Personally, I would rather walk across a bed of nails in bare feet than talk about how much money I make. When someone borrows money from me, I find it embarrassing to have to ask for them to pay me back. Money, point blank, is not something I like to discuss with anyone, including my accountant, which makes things difficult come tax time. Anyway, when you’re in a relationship with someone, it’s important to get over that awkwardness and to be straight-up about your financial situation, especially as you’re considering any sort of merging of assets via moving in together or marriage. And you want to get that information through a little thing called talking not based on what kind of toilet paper he buys (generic or Angel Soft?). Because imagine if you, uh, snooped through your S.O.'s bank statements or pay stubs and discovered that how much he has/makes is vastly different from what you thought? Your inevitable money conversation just got infinitely more awkward.


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