Forget about forgiving him. Forgive yourself

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Forget about forgiving him. Forgive yourself
We all want to be loved but not at our expense.

Recently I had a match that just got to me...or should I say, I let him get to me. He was funny, sensual and had this artistic endeavor that just made me REALLY want to get to know him. He seemed very focused on sex whereas I was focused on creating that deep connection through talking and meeting and getting to know each other, you know, the adult stuff. Our emails were interesting and we really touched on the more serious subjects but again sex was his constant topic.

Recently I had a match that just got to me...or should I say, I let him get to me. He was funny, sensual and had this artistic endeavor that just made me REALLY want to get to know him. He seemed very focused on sex whereas I was focused on creating that deep connection through talking and meeting and getting to know each other, you know, the adult stuff. Our emails were interesting and we really touched on the more serious subjects but again sex was his constant topic. Then one night I shared with him a little more about me, my history on our chat and the next thing I knew he logged off.

I didn't feel hurt immediately. To be honest, it started with numbness, then confusion then realization, then tears. I confronted him about it the next day and he shared his baggage. That was when I realized, I was talking to a teenager in the body of a man masquerading as an adult. Needless to say, that weekend sucked for me. I was in tears because here I was sharing with someone, someone I had liked and really wanted to get to know and it was shutdown so suddenly. He didn't even have the courage to give me a reason UNTIL I wrote to ask why. I almost chided him on his "Fearless" nickname but I decided, "Why bother?"
Felt like crap for a couple of days but then I read something that just put a whole different perspective on things. Basically, I got overly attached because I really want to have the experience of love in my life and met someone who is as close as I have ever come. The fact that he was a near-miss just made it hurt even more because I saw us getting to know each other so well and just felt like things could develop; that love was actually a possibility.

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