My Abusive Ex Wants Me Back


woman at man's bedside
Did the cancer drugs make him do it, and should she forgive him?

There's too much messiness in your history together and not enough of a strong foundation on which to build. Just the fact that you didn't know enough about your ex when you were with him to know for sure whether his violent behavior was out of character for him or not is pretty telling. In addition, that he didn't care enough about you or your relationship to see a therapist or talk to his doctor about the effects of his treatment indicates he isn't an ideal life-long partner for you. What happens if he gets sick again? Or, what happens if you learn that his abusive streak wasn't due to his cancer treatment, after all? That that's just who he is deep down and it comes out during periods of stress or weakness? There's just too much unknown here. And, sure, one could argue that every relationship holds a lot of unknowns, particularly at the beginning when it's nothing but unknowns, but the difference with you guys is that there's a lot of stuff you do know, too, and some of it is really bad. The Frisky: "I'm Terrified Of Running Into My Ex"

I'm not saying your ex isn't a wonderful person or couldn't be really great for you, but there's too much of a risk that he isn't or that you'll never be able to find out because you'll be too nervous about a relapse (in behavior, not necessarily the cancer, although that surely is a concern, too) and too resentful of his past behavior to really give him—and your relationship—an honest chance. It's tragic that he got sick just a few months after you met and you weren't able to realize the potential of your relationship. But that doesn't mean you should try to realize it now. It is, after all, a different relationship than what you had a year ago. The potential is no longer the same. The Frisky: How To Avoid Dating An Abusive Freak


If I were you, I'd end things on the positive note you shared when he spent last weekend with you. Think of it as a parting gift from the universe—a pleasant reminder of the good parts of your relationship so you're left with positive thoughts and happy memories as you close this particular chapter. You'll love again. You'll find a relationship that is brand-new and untarnished and you can take the lessons learned and the strength gained from this last one and be better for it.

Written by Wendy Atterberry for The Frisky.

More on relationships from the The Frisky:

Must-see Videos
Most Popular