When I was younger (and thought I knew it all), I found it a total turn-off if a man told me he was divorced. Immediately, I thought “failure”, “tainted,” and “person-with-baggage.” Was Your Divorce a Means to Heal Old Baggage?
But today, as I wade through the sea of men on dating sites, I find I’ve done a 360 – I actually gravitate more towards those whose status reads “divorced” than those who are “single.” Here’s why:
- Often they are fathers. They’ll know first-hand what kind of commitment and lifestyle that involves. AND they probably won’t want me to have a child with them!
- The very fact that they tied the knot once before suggests that they believe(d) in love and commitment.
- They may have a greater appreciation for a woman’s post-pregnancy body than forever-single men.
- It suggests they may be a better lover for having sustained some kind of physical intimacy with another woman long-term.
- Having been married AND getting divorced suggests they’ve had time to know themselves better – AND – learned from past mistakes.
- It suggests they’re interested in doing it RIGHT next time around. They will choose a new partner for better reasons, ie: a clearer understanding of what love is and what goes into making a healthy relationship verses pressure from society/family and the need to have children.
- Some other woman loved him enough to test-drive him so he can’t be that bad!
I know I’m making generalizations here, and every person is a stand-alone case. I just find it ironic that the tables have completely turned: it’s the “single” status men that make me frown, not the “divorced” ones. I can’t help but envision single men as another child attached to my apron strings; I think “wanderer’, “selfish” and “in great need of attention.” BUT – if he’s cute and has a way with the written word, I’ll definitely give him a chance anyway. I’m open to be proven wrong!Liars, Players & Snakes Oh My!
Written by Delaine Moore for Divorced Women Online.
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