I don't know about you, but I have heard my share of uphappy love stories. I am so full I feel as though I am headed into rehab....for something real soon. And did I mention that I am an MFT in training. Yep, I am! Just kidding, I'm not headed into rehab. I'm not addicted to anything and I believe that I am healthily journeying through my life, with my hubby and son traveling right beside me. And I dare say I think as a married woman I am doing much better in acting more of a grown up. I think that statement will get an aggressive nod from my husband, and possibly a hallelujah! But seriously, I am wondering where relationships are headed. There is absolutely too much drama going on, and bottom line, not enough love. I started to ponder this question after my hubby and I watched our thousandth Maury show where dna tests and cheating are the norm. And then I heard about Sandra Bullock's husband joining the cheating line and I was so disappointed, because I, like so many millions heard Sandra sing his praises weeks earlier. And I don't know her husband, Jesse James, but I do know that his behavior gets an absolute thumbs down from me, and many others I'm sure. Why do people cheat? Why do people treat their partners like enemies? Why are people not getting the love they need/desire in the relationships they are in? Okay, before I proceed, let me say I am not generalizing, because I know there are many who are getting what they need in their relationships. But I am writing for and to those who are not. And quite frankly I think there are more of those kinds of relationship experiences than not. I've begun to wonder if Freud was right, and people are stuck in stages of emotional development. Are people just getting older and not more mature emotionally? I mean I hear the terms all the time, I'm a grown man, or, I'm a grown woman. But the behavior that is expected to be seen in a grown up is evading many. Backbitting, not taking personal responsibility, lying, grudges and the list goes on from here to Tennessee. And did I mention that I live really far from Tennessee. And possibly one of the biggest ones of them all...lack of communication. Many couples are simply not talking like they need to. Sexing yes, maybe for some. But having a real conversation, no. And I also would dare to say that I don't think people are being their true selves in their relationships. They become what they think their partner needs or wants. And they get lost somehow and eventually resentful. All of my thoughts are just that, thoughts, not proven theories/beliefs. But I do know that relationships are in trouble. And how could they not be. Everything in our media driven society supports immediacy and immaturity. A person seeking a growth enducing, sex laden, love laden, communication laden, home feeling laden union is desiring to be a grown up. And a person who is willing to do what it takes to have that is definiitely on the road to maturity and Freud would be proud. Relationships can be wonderful expressions of who you have become, or they can be expressions of who you are not. 'Til next time, see ya'll! The conversation is just beginning!
1. Margaret Cho + Al Ridenour: Cho and her husband had an open marriage for over a decade. An admitted bisexual, the arrangement seemed to work for them ... until they split.