The creepiest thing happened to me a couple of weeks ago. I noticed a friend request from some random person I didn't recognize. This frequently happens to me given that I work at a nightclub. Usually, if the FaceBook user isn't a porn spammer from Indonesia, I have a couple friends in common with the potential FaceBook friend. However, this friend request raised three red flags: 1) No mutual friends; 2) older man with receding hairline; and 3) personalized message from him referencing my brother by his childhood nickname. Now I was creeped out. So, I sent him back a message saying, "I'm sorry, I'm drawing a blank. How do we know each other?" BlockBuster Bob* replies: "Haha---I used to work at Blockbuster&u and your brother came in almost EVERY day & we used to talk." You've got to be kidding me.
Let me give you a background to BlockBuster Bob. I was 15, couldn't drive, so I would frequent BlockBuster. Blockbuster Bob would always give me free movie passes ... to a 15 year old, this was pretty sweet. Well, then Blockbuster Bob started calling my house, asking for me (never mind that the Blockbuster card was in my mother's name) to tell me about the "new releases of the week." The conversation then shifted from the "Oscar worthy" flicks to his future hopes, aspirations, and if I had a boyfriend. I mean really? After I had literally seen every movie, for free, from 1995-2000 and the personalized phone calls increased, my parents told me it was best to stay out of Blockbuster. Fastforward to 11 years later, Blockbuster Bob finds me on Facebook. Apparently, in the last decade, he has gone from movie connoisseur to member of a "powerhouse" band*, specializing in a "powerful blend of horn driven funk and soul." I did not want Blockbuster Bob to be my FaceBook friend. I was trying to save face by keeping his friend status "pending." However, I've been bombarded with messages in my inbox. I've included some of these messages and my thoughts below:
1.) Subject: Friend me Message: Do you remember me???? How's ur little brother _? Hmmm, it's been over a decade. Do you really think that my first thought was that BlockBuster Bob remembered how to spell my last name, that many a boyfriend could not spell, and tracked me down on FaceBook? Thanks a lot Blockbuster for not adequately screening your employees.
2.) Subject: What are you waiting for gurl? Message: Friend me already!! :) Who's used the word "gurl" after 1992?
3.) Subject: Friend me Message: What are ya waiting for kiddo??? How's everything going?? Hope all is well:) "Kiddo"?! Yes that's right, I was an [underage] kiddo when your 30 year old self was [attempting] to flirt with me over The Sixth Sense. I wasn't even old enough to check out R-movies Creepy McCreeperson! 4.) Subject: What???? Message: Ur not gonna friend me? I'm actually surprised that you seem surprised that I don't want to be your FaceBook friend!
I honestly don't get it. We've all been denied or defriended from FaceBook before ... you suck it up, call your bff, bitch about it, and move on. Why would he even want to be FaceBook friends with someone who has not accepted him nor responded to his overly expletive, emotican-infused messages?!
I feel like there's a series of overtly obvious things wrong with this scenario. First, he is now 41 years old. The fact that he was like 30 trying to hit on a 15 year old is just weird. Second, the fact that he located me 11 years later on FaceBook and has been sending me messages is even weirder. Third, at what point does he look over at his girlfriend (who btw is featured in his profile pic) and say, you know what, let me send my former jailbait BlockBuster patron ANOTHER message? I mean basta! Apparently treading the very fine line of statutory rape was not enough of a deterrent to leave me alone.
In sum, I am selective about who I let into my social media circle, and a clerk from Blockbuster when I was 15 is definitely not going to be let in. As of publishing, I have decided to block both him and his girlfriend. He brought it upon himself.
*Names have been changed or withheld to protect the party's privacy, even though mine has been violated.