one of the women that get hundreds of emails and cant bother reading
them all so you just hit delete if you do not have time or you are not
attracted to him. Make it a policy to respond to people that write even
if you do not find them a match and MAYBE it would be worth while to
write an email everytime. Steve is correct. The author of this article
is clueless what it is like to be on the other side and write a sincere
email only to have it deleted with no responce. Face it, on dating sites women have an advantage. They sit back and
just pick and choose what emails to read and if us as guys write an
email over and over only to have it rejected that is totally a waste of
time. If I wink and you are interested then WINK BACK. I will write an
email worth your time. I promise. - Tom
The author of this article (me) is a 41 year old woman who lives in
Manhattan. Trust me. I guarantee you I know what it's like to send out
email after email and get no response. Sitting around and venting your
anger at women or men isn't going
to make you more attractive to the opposite sex. You could avoid this
frustration and anger if you had a better grasp of what your target
market was. And by target market I mean "league."
fine to knowingly shoot out of your league with the understanding that
you might get rejected. Everybody should shoot for the stars from time
to time because you just never know. It's a completely different thing
oblivious and way over estimate how you are perceived by the opposite
sex and repeatedly aim high. The first is merely taking an educated
risk. The second is being so self-absorbed and indignant that you
insist on being "right."
I was reading an article from The New
York Post sent to me by a long time reader.
interviewed, all in their early to late thirties, were talking about
how hard it is to date in Manhattan because men are always moving on to
the bigger better thing. The ladies compared men to Peter Pan and NYC
to Neverland. Men were depicted as shallow and unable to commit. I
don't doubt that
Manhattan men are shallow and fickle and entitled. But it's all about
target audience, ladies. It's also about knowing what it is you
actually bring to the table versus what you'd like to believe you do.
Look, I'm 41 and a size 10. Bars and clubs are not my target audience.
Sports organizations are. Events that attract a lot of European men
are. Men who attend those things are more open to women both my age and
my body type. Events and organizations that don't revolve around
shallow pursuits are where I'll have more luck. That means no
bars/clubs, no looking for my Mr. Big in Chelsea or the Financial
District. As for online dating, the men in the burbs and boros are more
for me. The guys in Manhattan? Not so much. Let go of the need to have
that handsome/hot piece of arm candy that you can take to parties. For
one, nobody really cares who you date and two, if you "need" a certain
type of mate, then that's part of the reason you struggle to find one.
If you keep emailing or approaching ro flirting with a certain type of
person, and you get a tepid response over and over, then they're out of
your league. Simple as that. Or your approach blows. But rather than
continuing to bag your head against a wall, why not stop to figure out
what the issue is?
Listen...for every person out there, there's someone who is out of
their league. It's just a simple fact. I would never walk in to a bar
in the Meat Packing District and expect to meet a guy. Those guys in
there are not looking for me. I wouldn't go to a party where the age
range was 25-45, because the guys there aren't looking for me either.
When I contact men online, I have refined my search to only men who do
not want children or already have them, ages 40-52. I occasionally do a
search that includes men 35-52, but that's just to take a chance here
and there. And guess what? Those guys never respond. Oh well. I keep
trying because it just takes ONE. But I don't focus solely on that age
range because I think these guys "should" get to know me.
Here's the scoop, and this is just how it is. Like attracts like,
especially online. We don't have the luxury or people getting a 3
dimensional glimpse at us. So all they have to go on are shared values
and interests. A person who lives in a major metropolitan area is more
likely to want someone who also lives in a major metropolitan area. A
person who works out and is in shape is going to prefer someone who
looks like they take care of themselves. If someone says they
definitely want children, they want people who also definitely wants
kids and can have them without a lot of doctor's appointments, shots,
Whatever you do, how ever you try to meet people, have the right
expectations and know what you bring to the table and what they're
looking for. That's how you succeed and avoid frequent burn out.
Some people hit the genetic lottery. Some people are born
privileged. Some people meet people easily. That's the way the cookie
I know the PC thing to say is that anything is possible and you
shouldn't limit yourself and everybody get a ribbon just for playing.
Sorry, that's not how it works.It's that kind of thinking that has so
many people so frustrated and swimming against the tide. They're
waiting for the ribbon. It's okay to want the ribbon, it's okay to try
and get the ribbon. What's not okay is to expect the ribbon simply for
P.S? I need new questions for the column!!!!!
Got a dating related question?
Want free advice from Moxie and dozens of other national and
international singles? Ask Away. It’s Free! Look for Moxie’s response
and feedback from others SUBMIT YOUR DATING ADVICE QUESTIONS HERE: http://moxieinthecity.net/ask-email.php