Have you heard? Jerry Springer will once again be the moral compass talk show host on the Game Show Network. This time for a brand, spankin' new dating show called Baggage. Three contestants will compete for a date by divulging in their personality flaws upfront, thus carrying their "baggage" out in the open as to avoid future surprise. Springer describes the show as "fun and lighthearted," but with Springer steering the ship we aren't so sure. Here are five Baggage predictions.
1.) A panel filled with people who nobody in their right mind would date. The Jerry Springer machine has always had an uncanny ability to unite the most repulsive citizens of Planet Earth and force you to think about them in compromising sexual situations with one another. Baggage will be no different. No trailer park will go unturned and no street urchin left without a warm seat on stage. In fact, it will be a mandatory requirement that no contestant wear an article of clothing that truly fits or flatters, speak in full sentences or have showered that day. Lindsay Lohan Is Trying Out A New Style: Men
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2.) Flaws that start out generic and morph into cringe-worthy. So the name of this show is Baggage and the premise is that all daters on the panel have some sort of flaw to get over, right? Sure, the AP mentions benign nothings like someone who "talks to psychics" and another who is a "control freak." Snore. If this is the Jerry Springer we know and love (loathe) he'll comb through every halfway house in America until he finds flaws (talking to dead people, a fear of walking, a fridge full of severed heads) only the desperate stage of ill-fitting outfits would find suitable across from them on a candle-lit date. Crazy Things Men Do To Attract Women
3.) Half a season of physical peace. Tops. It's only a matter of time until the producers figure out a way to throw in some old-fashioned stage brawls between the mentally ill and unfortunate-looking eccentrics. We're sure his loyal watchdog bouncers could use the extra work and this will give Springer ample time to furrow his brow and pace the stage looking like a concerned inner city junior high school math teacher. Fight It Out
4.) A follow-up DNA test episode, plus a DVD of Too Hot For TV. The show is only a half hour, which means there's going to be some clever editing and the fans watching at home will likely miss out on three-quarters of the crazy. The network will release a Baggage: Too Hot For TV extra, full of all the outtakes, like the time the woman who forgets where she is every 20 minutes freaked out at the producers. A few times a year or so old guests will be reunited for a DNA tests when the men deny paternity.
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5.) Baggage will continue until the end of eternity like The Jerry Springer Show. Springer has been on-air for almost 20 years. One day, if fate allows, our children will huddle around their handheld devices and watch Baggage marathons, too.
Baggage debuts April 19 on GSN and will air M-F at 6:30pm EST.