I recently broke up with my boyfriend of four months. Although he's 26, he has never had a serious monogomous relationship before. Our relationship was very romantic and intense at the beginning and he fell hard. I, however, have had serious relationships before that ended badly and so was very vulnerable and scared of becoming involved. Therefore, I was noncommital and pushed him away at the beginning. This caused some serious miscommunications and he was definitely looking for me to be more committed. To complicate matters, we've been having a long distance relationship. At first it was only about an hour or two, but now we live five hours apart. As time went on, I began to really fall for him, esp. after spending a few weeks without seeing one another. We kept in touch over the phone and email. But just as I was becoming more and more open to a relationship with him, he became distant and doubtful. Finally, after the past month apart, with plans to visit him over vacation, I asked if he was excited to see me- was he flaking out? What was up with him. He explained that he was totally uncertain because the long distance was very hard for him and that he compared having a girlfriend to having a job. This last comment was really very upsetting to me; I asked very little from him emotionally and our conversations were friendly and not at all intense. After dating assholes in the past, I decided that I didn't want to be with someone who wasn't excited to be with me, so I broke up with him. I ended up regretting this decision and went to visit him to tell him. He refused to get back together and basically refused to have any physical contanct whatsoever. I suggested that we keep it casual; not make it monogomous--as that it was I had wanted to begin with-- but he told me we had gone through to much and he couldn't be casual with me. I'm heartbroken. I feel as though I didn't have a chance to try out the relationship with him. I want to win him over, but I don't know how to proceed. I kept things very civil and gracious when we said goodbye, and pretended to concede that breaking it off was a good idea. I don't want anything too serious, but I did want to take it slow and see where it went with this guy. Part of me feels like he clearly is a commitment-phobe. What do I do?