History and variations of relationships … Looking back in time of the history of man and women and how their relationships worked, we can site many differences as compared to today’s way of life in the Western society. Back in the days of King Solomon, many men highly placed in society were allowed to have multiple wives and often kept several. This was more of a sign of a man’s position in society, rather than true love for each of his wives. Solomon had over seven hundred wives. I am sure he did not have an intimate love relationship with all of them.
Fast forward to today. There are still countries where men can have more than one wife but I have yet to find a country or place in history where a woman can have more than one husband. Given the fact that most women can be successfully intimate with more than one man and a man can rarely please one woman, let along multiple women, tells me that all paws past and present are man made and not woman made.
Restricting people to one partner often brings about more problems in a relationship because the ability to control ones’ life is taken from them. Most people are against an open relationship because the history of monogamy pressures people into thinking that they should only have one partner. Is it any wonder in a world full of divorce, people find themselves confused about what the reality of a relationship is. In almost every relationship, most people will have an affair outside their marriage. Those who do not are frustrated, unhappy, and unfulfilled. Worse yet, the ones who have an affair still experience the same feelings with the added feeling of guilt.
So, why do I insist that open marriages and poly relationships can work? Imagine that you and your partner are committed to each other and are totally in love. How many of you have no jealous feelings between you on most any subject, including sex? If you saw your partner look at another, would you become jealous? If you saw your partner flirting with another, would you be jealous? If your partner express their desire for another, would you be jealous?
If you answered “yes” to any or all of these questions, your relationship is in trouble. Why? Because you are insecure and do not totally trust your feelings and the actions of your partner. Today, you have swinging, open relationships and poly relationships, all with some differences but in total, all looking for activities outside their relationships. In order for any of these lifestyles to work properly, there must be mutual respect for each other, no jealous feelings between you and your partner and be very secure in your relationship with your partner.
My wife and I have been in an open relationship for over ten years now and have the most intimate friendship we could ever want to experience between us. An open marriage does not mean bed hoping, nor does it mean mechanical sex where there are no intimate feeling when with another partner. I completely trust my wife and she completely trust me because we never have to hide anything about our sex lives, desires, and the people we meet.
For those of you who turn your nose to this article … can you honestly say that after ten, twenty or more years of a monogamous relationship you have the true passion in your relationship? If not, I ask you … what is missing? Passion? Intimacy? Emotional bonding? The “New feeling”? We have it all and more and still, we share our love with others and do it successfully.
All relationship do not allow for an open marriage. In order for this to work properly, your marriage must have the the following for this to work;
1) Trust between you and your partner.
2) There can be no jealous feelings between you.
3) Make sure you discuss this completely with your partner before you make the decision to explore this lifestyle.
New feelings will surface after you first venture into this lifestyle. Pillow talk about this and the act of physically acting are way different. While pillow talk makes the two of you more passionate when you are together, your first encounter will raise more emotions than you may be ready for. If the pillow talk makes you own sex lives better, chances are, the open marriage lifestyle may be for you. Just keep talking about your feelings and you can expand your relationship to new adventures you never thought possible.
If your marriage is still new and exciting, I do not suggest entering this lifestyle unless it was a condition before you married. The choice is yours but I do caution you to enter this lifestyle with open eyes. If your marriage is on the rocks, this will surely distroy your relationship. If you have a true bond between you but you know the spark or passion is leaving your relationship, this may be a choice you want to explore.