Einstein said insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. What ever happened to that addage of "If at first you don't succeed try try again"?
In January of 2009 I met the most amazing man: intelligent, charming, attractive, affectionate, doting...beyond that, a sense of humor that strongly appealed to me, outstanding interpersonal and communication skills and amazing chemistry in bed. We met online (surprise surprise!) and from what I'd gleened he'd been and still was at the time a party boy. Honest sometimes to a fault, but after the end of his marriage, fully enjoyed all of the benefits of bachelorhood. Lots of women, zero commitment. When we met, I assumed he was at the point in his life he was ready to tone it down.
Imagine my surprise a little more than a month in when he explained he would like to try something akin to an 'open' relationship. Hmmm.. Intriguing. I've never been one to completely dismiss an idea without having experience with it. Since the end of my marriage, I suppose one could call me a serial monogomist. I recall giving him a challenge as well, "We'll see, I'll try it but I'm not sure you will be okay with everything" In some respects I was correct.
The connection and love between us was undeniable, but I think we were both fumbling around with our own definitions and with our own expectations of what it meant to be in something that was defined by two socially contradictory terms: "open"--which by popular definition means non-exclusive and casual + "relationship" which has a strong emotional component and implies commitment.
I have to say, the first 6 months were eye opening for both of us. We had some crazy good times under this umbrella of tolerance. But we were also adjusting. For me, there was the struggle to let go of my ingrained patterns of possessiveness, insecurity, and moral shakles so that I could possibly recieve the benefits of the freedom afforded me. I'm not necessarily UNattractive, so I had opportunities abound to explore within the freedoms of the relationship. For him, it was the struggle to realize there was now another vested person in his life that he must consider...after years of bachelorhood and unaccountability. It was no longer do whatever, whoever, however and wherever the mood strikes without consequences. I do believe he wasn't expecting to become so attached, to really care for someone--this was an adjustment.
After about 6 intense months filled with love ,joy, passion, excitement, warmth, frustration, passive agressive behaviors, jealousy, misunderstandings and miscommunications we called it quits. End-Round 1.