Low libido? How to turn yourself on and get your sex drive back in gear — no pill necessary.
My libido has never been particularly off the charts but, lately, I've come to feel that — due to the perpetually barren desert between my legs — I'll never find my way out of this vast Sahara of a sex life. It's disconcerting. It's frustrating. But I'm not the only one.
If that doesn't make you feel any better (or at least less alone), then you should know that those low female libido levels are almost inevitable. After all, the cards are stacked against us!
Your sex drive can be affected by a (huge) number of things, including stress, exhaustion, low body image, performance anxiety, depression, the medications used to treat depression, birth control pills, medical conditions such as chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia, menopause, previous sexual abuse, and… well… really inept foreplay.
Who among us hasn't experienced multiple items on that list, some of them simultaneously?
And yet, despite being innocent victims of our own bodies, we still feel guilty. Self-conscious. Weird. Yup. Even in the midst of not wanting to get it on, many of us wish desperately that we… well… wanted to get it on.
Luckily, you can turn your libido around — and you don't need a pill to do it. By simply attempting sex more often — despite how unaroused you may be feeling — you can train yourself to want it more.
That's why sex therapists like Ian Kerner suggest that couples try to have sex at least once a week. Beyond that, however, you can trick your libido into overdrive by doing the following five things:
1. Make foreplay part of your all-day routine.
We're not suggesting that you grope each other throughout the day, patting bums and grabbing boobs. Because when it comes to desire, it's about more than just the physicality of skin on skin.
That's why it's tough for some of us to get turned on by a quick caress of the arm, followed by a beeline toward the boobage. Rather, we need to feel desired, lusted after, and … appreciated.
Make a habit of flirting throughout the day, and making those small gestures that show you care… things like folding his socks for him or picking up his favorite (sort of disgusting) snack from the supermarket. Feeling appreciated will most likely make him want to show his appreciation, too, making your days a non-stop love-fest.
But either way, even the act of making these small gestures can be enough to remind you why you're with this guy, and how much you love him.
2. Try intimate activities without having sex.
Intimacy is about more than full-on intercourse, and it could be that the anxiety you're experiencing due to the recent lack of sex has caused you to forget this. If you're feeling so much pressure to want sex that you're not allowing yourself to relax and enjoy the rest of it, we have a problem.
Why not take sex temporarily off the table? Indulge in a no-pressure make-out session, hump the heck out of each other, or just allow yourself to relearn the way intimacy with your partner can feel.
Explore each other's bodies, using different types of touch, and communicate with each other about what feels good, and what doesn't. All that touching and rubbing and caressing could quickly get you hot again, and at a time when you're not expecting it, or actively seeking it out.
3. Get your heart racing — together.
And I don't mean between the sheets. Giving yourself an adrenaline rush spikes the brain's natural amphetamines — dopamine and norepinephrin — thereby making you more aroused.
So do something unexpected and exxxtreme together, like hang gliding or jet skiing. Or do something less exxxtreme, but still new to the two of you. Take a wine making or dance class. Go for a spontaneous drive to anywhere. Simply put: have fun together.
4. Take care of yourself first.
We mentioned above that things such as exhaustion and stress could adversely affect your libido. So it's only logical that getting plenty of sleep would help it.
Other stress-busters? Regular exercise. Sunshine. Laughter. A healthy diet. And — Oh! What a coincidence! — sex. If your low libido makes the idea of sex unappealing, try bringing in some outside help: sex toys, lubricant or a sexual arousal oil.
5. Make sex a priority.
Because it's so easy to let it fall to the bottom of your list and, as we mentioned above, practice makes perfect. If you have to, schedule it in, just as you would any other doctor appointment or business meeting. Because it's that important.
Scheduled sex may feel contrived at first but, soon, it will be something to look forward to. And, just as with training wheels, there will come a time when you won't need that schedule anymore. Because you'll be bumping like bunny rabbits.
How do you get yourself in the mood?