Um. These people are CRAZY.
They say revenge is a dish best served cold. Thankfully, these ten jilted lovers ignored that old adage, otherwise we wouldn't have such a fun, ridiculous, and hot list. Love can make you do a lot of crazy things, but the loss of love put these folks over the edge, online, and in some case … on fire! Here are ten ways these random people coped with their breakup.
1. Jilted Wife Sells Husband's Used "Small" Condom and Mistress' "Humongous" Panties On eBay
Hardworking wife "annastella007" came home to her husband of 22 years and was surprised when he tried to keep her from going into their bedroom. His offer of tea didn't deter her, and inside the boudoir she discovered an empty condom wrapper ("size small") and panties (size "humongous").
What to do with the evidence? Sell them on eBay, of course. She listed the items as "Empty Condom Packet & A Photo of 'The Tarts' Knickers Found in Our Bed After a Two Timing Low Life's Affair." "Anna" promised there were more auctions to come, with her hubby's Harley Davidson as "the next item that will probably be sold on eBay at a start price of 99c and, of course, with no reserve!"
2. Real Meathead: Ex-Boyfriend Covers Himself In Dead Animal Flesh, Breaks Into Woman's Home
Drugs are bad, m'kay kids? Example one: The U.K.'s Liam McGarry, high on amphetamines, broke into his ex-girlfriend's home while covered in meat. He then hit her and spit meat on her. We're sure somewhere in his mind this sounded like the perfect revenge plan. But once he sobered up (and was in police custody), even his lawyer couldn't explain it: "He [McGarry] is at a complete loss to explain the significance of the mince or why he had coated himself in it."
3. Drunk Boyfriend Burns Ex's Clothes, Bakes a Potato On the Fire
Alcohol's not much better! When Mark Vaughan saw his lover Kathryn Leigh kiss another man, he understandably wanted revenge. But then he got wasted and acted on his impulse. Vaughan created a very expensive bonfire in the middle of the street, using Leigh's entire wardrobe — and laptop — as well as a lot of gasoline. Apparently he built up an appetite, because police on the scene found him "extremely drunk" and attempting to bake a potato on the bonfire. Sadly, no amount of spuds could fill the hole in his heart … or help pay his arson fines.
4. Man Sells Ex-Wife's Wedding Dress On eBay
When Seattle-area rocker Larry Star found his ex-wife's wedding dress in his attic, he saw dollar signs. As his eBay ad read, "She took the $4000 engagement ring but left the dress. This dress cost me $1200 that my drunken sot of an ex-father-in-law swore up and down he would pay for but didn't so I got stuck with the bill. Luckily, I only got stuck with his daughter for 5 years. Personally, I think it looks like a $1200 shower curtain, but what do I know."
He knew something: the resulting ad got 6 million visitors to eBay, 113 bids, TV appearances for Larry … and five new marriage proposals.
5. Man Sells Cheating Wife On eBay
Brit Paul Osborn suspected his wife Sharon was cheating with a married coworker. The parents of two had been having a rough time when, in a self-described "fit of rage," Paul put his "lying, cheating, adulterous b***h whore of a wife" up for sale on eBay.
Yes, he included her photo, along with the name and home address of her suspected lover, and this note: "Please dont [sic] bid on her because she's worth sod all." Within days the post went viral, with the highest bid reaching 500,100 pounds. Paul said, "I later took it off because I realized it wasn't the right thing to do. I was just so angry."
6. RevengeLady.com Earns Her Name With An Audi
Christine Gallagher, founder of RevengeLady.com, thinks that revenge can help women feel empowered after an awful breakup. She came up with her own ingenious plan to mess with a cheating ex's Audi. Gallagher took apart the car's door, placed a marble in the frame, then put it back together again. As she told CNN, "It took mechanics months to find the cause of the rattling. At last they pulled out the marble and a note: 'You finally found it, you f****r.'"
7. Angry Wife Eats Ex-husband's Goldfish
A Pasadena (that's Texas, y'all) woman and her common-law husband had split up and were arguing over jewelry he'd given her. In a fit of anger—or an Omega-3 deficiency—the woman took seven goldfish from her ex's apartment. Her ex called the cops, and they arrived at her home to find four fried fish. When they asked where the other three were, she said, "I already ate those." According to Pasadena police spokesman Vance Mitchell, because the fish were considered community property, "There was nothing we could do. If he wants to pursue it, it's a civil case."
Cambodian couple Moeun Sarim, 42, and his wife, Vat Navy, had been married for 18 years when they got in an argument and mentioned divorce. Talk about splitting assets: the disgruntled husband showed up with his relatives and literally sawed the couple's wooden home in half. No small feat, given that the traditional abode was built on stilts. Local officials and law enforcement tried to calm him down, but to no effect: maybe that's because he was upset about his younger wife's alleged affair with a policeman.
Bonus Splittage: A 43-year-old German man did the same thing in 2007, chain-sawing half of his family's log cabin then trucking it to his brother's property. "The man said he was just taking his due," a police spokesman said. "But I don't think his wife was too pleased."
9. One-Night-Stand Gives Woman Herpes; She Creates "STD All-Stars" Posters And Blog
Girl meets boy at party. Shenanigans ensue (i.e. unprotected oral sex). Later, girl discovers boy gave her herpes. He really should have returned her phone calls … Because, when he didn't, not only did she post 400 flyers in their 'hood featuring his photo and the term "STD All-Stars," she created a blog that got a lot of buzz.
Sadly, the blog's no longer live, but we're sure the herpes still is.
10. (500) Days Of Summer: A Movie Deal Is The Ultimate Revenge
If you've seen the movie about greeting-card writer Tom's obsession with indie dream-girl Summer, you know the opening credits include the disclaimer that "any resemblance to people living or dead is purely coincidental," with the slight twist: "Especially you, Jenny Beckman. B***h." When writer Scott Neastadter was dumped by a fair English lass, he translated his heartache into a movie script. Add some Zooey Deschanel and a few songs by the Smiths, and you've got a hit, plus the perfect revenge.
As Scott told The Daily Mail, "Thanks to this script and the process of writing it down, I was able to liberate myself from my own misery. I'm two years into another relationship and have never been happier." But what about Jenny Beckman? "After writing the screenplay, I met up with Jenny for the first and only time since we broke up … I gave her the script … Some time later she wrote me a letter. She loved the story, she said. It had surprised and moved her because she really related to Tom. Yes, incredibly, Jenny hadn't recognized herself as Summer at all."