Back in the days of flower power and encounter groups, it was popular to
get your anger out by yelling, pounding on pillows, etc. Since then, it has been reported by mental
health professionals that simply getting out anger is not effective and can be
harmful to you and your mate. Instead,
methods of anger management are much more effective. Anger management can give
you wisdom regarding the source of the anger. One way to manage anger, as described by
spiritual leaders and popular author Thich Nhat Hanh is to “cook your anger”.
Think of potatoes, you cannot eat them unless they are fully cooked. To cook you must allow plenty of time, and
keep the lid on, just like cooking your anger.
Once fully cooked, your anger is ready to eat - i.e. you can understand
it; you gain composure and insight, rather than being overcome by angry
feelings that cut off your rational thought processes.
If you or your partner are angry because of sexual dissatisfaction,
perhaps you can benefit by breaking it down to 2 approaches; One is to prevent it by being aware of what
causes anger. By being considerate of
them, they will learn to do the same for you. The other is to manage it
constructively when it triggers within you.
I. Try to prevent anger by being aware of what causes it
- Avoid monologues - Think about how you
feel when someone insists on making you their audience.
- Don’t blurt out something you’ll be sorry
- Respect things in your spouse’s personal
space, don’t move their things.
yours and your partner’s high self-esteem and dignity. If you or your partner is having
erection problems, perhaps a simple visit to the doctor or using an online
drugstore with licensed doctors to help determine if an ED drug is right
for you could prevent anger about inability to satisfy one another in bed.
5. Manage Anger constructively
when it triggers within you: Be careful
of your tone; studies show that good communication is 90% tone and only 10% actual words you say. Never be snarky. Once
you cook your anger, you will have the wisdom to know whether something that
made you made is worse brining up. If it
is, bring it up after you have insight.
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