New Orleans Boasts Big Boys

Every once in a while, we stumble across a service-y news story that aims to point us ladies (and gay men) to the regions where all the large-penised men run free. Penis Enlargement Methods

The headlines denote genital size as if it's an attribute acquired from the water/selective breeding, and we swiftly purchase a plane ticket to whichever one makes top billing. Then, we read those dreaded words: penis sizes self-reported. Rip-off! Anyone can have nine-inches on an anonymous Internet ballot! We want a refund. Penis Extension Fails Catastrophically

Which is what makes this particular study a bit different. According to the condom retailer Condomania, penis measurements were culled from a particular service called "TheyFit" condoms, where men use a customized "FitKit" to find their true length/girth size. (Which is brilliant, by the way.) The manufacturer then churns out condoms ranging from three to ten inches, and "super slim" to "extra roomy." Condomizing Your Sex

Condomania tracked 27, 000 men in 70 countries and declared New Orleans the BIG winner. Washington, DC came in second, with San Diego, New York City and Phoenix rounding out the top five. As far as the state-wide results, New Hampshire was the dark horse winner with Oregon, New York, Indiana and Arizona following.

Some more big penis facts? Blue states are more likely to have men with guns then red states—coincidence? Also, according to Director of Technology Chris Filkins, 25% of all men need condoms less than five inches (ouch), half are somewhere between five and six inches and the remaining quarter keep the Magnum brand in business with six inches or larger. Condom Fashion Show In Beijing

Not sure what we're supposed to do with this information other than send this TheyFit condom link to all the poor chumps we know who can't bear to part with those baggy Atlas Extra Large pack beside their bed (you know who you are).