I've decided, what I need at this point is to be dating men. I've always had a degree of homo-erotic fantasy, but until recently these were not much more than fantasies, momentary desires, and almost never involved any man in particular: faceless men, bodies nothing more. I couldn't really imagine really being naked and intimate with a real man. When I tried to imagine sleeping with any particular guy, as I tried to sometimes, I would turn off.
But everything started to change when my relationship of ten years began to fall apart. I felt free to focus on what I really wanted for the first time in years, maybe ever. And I started to think more and more about what it would really be like. Could I, would I want to, make out with another man? Have sex? What kind of sex? Could I have a relationship? Gradually I have thought it over and experimented and I have become more and more excited by the idea. I still am very attracted to, and fantasize about, women, but lately sex with women feels kind, well, boring. I've even thought about having sex with men while in bed with a girl I was seeing (a long distance sort of relationship, topic for another post maybe), which felt unfair but what could I do? A few months back I made out with a man for the first time, at a gay bar we went to with friends. We touched each other a bit in the car on the way home, but left it at that. I wasn't ready--it was a matter of circumstance--but I realized that it was something I could do, and enjoy. I liked his kisses, his firmness
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So right now I'm committed to dating men for a while to see how it goes. The question is how. I have some dating profiles, but not much luck so far. I've been to a bar or two but haven't really gotten into this very much. Any suggestions very welcome...