Don't Fall For These Online Dating Profile Fibs!

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man crossing fingers
Think twice before messaging the cutie who claims he's an Ivy League-educated CEO with a soft side!

FIB #4: "As the CEO of a successful internet start-up, I enjoy the finer things in life."

Translation: "As the founder of a bare-bones mail order business that I run out of my mother's basement, I enjoy spending every waking second of my time on the internet, watching porn, gambling, and living vicariously through my avatar on SecondLife.com."

FIB #5: "I'm sensitive, smart and funny."

Translation: "I'm hyper-sensitive, a pretentious wannabe-intellectual and I just might have Tourette's syndrome, which makes people laugh sometimes. DICKWEED!"

FIB #6: "I make more than $250,000 per year."

Translation: "I have grandiose fantasies of winning the lottery or striking gold with an internet porn empire … but for now, to make ends meet, I'm your friendly neighborhood manager at Walgreens."

Salary is one of the biggest things people — especially men — lie about in their profiles. According to Scientific American, men claiming incomes of more than $250,000 got 151 percent more replies than men claiming incomes less than $50,000. Ugh.

FIB #7: "I'm not big on playing games."

Translation: "I am utterly, unfortunately devoid of 'edge.' My lack of sarcasm will astound you. I pride myself on being a good guy/girl, but I've been screwed around by prior partners who couldn't decide whether the sex was decent enough to continue dating earnest little ol' me. Now I make sure to let everybody and their mother know that I DON'T PLAY MIND GAMES. Never ever ever."

FIB #8: "I can't wait to meet you!"

Translation: "I can't wait to scope you out in person to see whether you're worth having sex with—or, at least, determine whether you look anything even remotely like that foxy photo you posted of yourself."

FIB #9: "I just got out of a long relationship, so I'm mainly looking for friends right now."

Translation: "Having just escaped a bitter, years-long romantic war, I am damaged goods, and I can't deal with anything more serious than frenzied sexual escapades to help me temporarily forget my misery. But I know that my chances of getting laid will plummet if I indicate that I'm only interested in slutting it up, so I'll just say that I'm looking for friendship only."

FIB #10: "My interests include good wine, live music and fine dining."

Translation: "I have a well-groomed goatee and I like dancing to cheesy techno at Eurotrash clubs. I love having dates buy my dinner. Oh, and I also really like getting hammered. Shots all around! Take off your top!"

Written by Laura Barcella for The Frisky

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