As a 26-year-old African-American woman who has lived in Queens for three years, I have never had a one-night stand. To be honest, a man has never asked me to come home with him. Suave men make me nervous, and usually have me running in the other direction. Someone once told me, "If he says all the right things to you then he is saying them to everyone." But I realize that I have listened to other people's credos all of my life and have found myself safely tucked away in a makeshift womb. Yes, some guys are a**holes, jerks and morons. But that's too easy. It takes two not to tango, doesn't it?
As Matt and I were lying in bed, I made one last-ditch effort to conquer him. I kissed his neck and gently traced my fingers around his thighs. He looked at me and smiled as he politely moved my hand. With disbelief and shock in my eyes, I finally mustered up the courage to ask Matt why he could sleep with every thing that moves but can't have sex with me. I told him how crappy it made me feel that maybe I was not his type and he was playing a game. I ambushed him with every insecurity I was feeling towards not only him, but also about myself. Was I not pretty enough? Or tall enough? Or small enough? Maybe he had some weird intimacy issues that only allowed him to climax if he had no attachments? When I was finally done with my verbal attack, I found Matt looking slightly amused.
"I thought it was pretty evident." Matt said. "I like you. It's different—I can't just sleep with you."
"You like me?" I asked with a hint of sarcasm.
"Yup. I've had a crush on you for a while. But don't tell anyone—it contradicts my whole 'I'm awesome and don't care about s**t' thing I got going. I don't want to disappoint you. I just think we should take it slow. Give it some time."
On my way home, I thought about what he had said. Why was I in such a rush to sleep with him? I had asked men on countless occasions to give me time and now I was unable to reciprocate the same simple task. I was acting like the men I couldn't stand.
At this point, Matt and I have still not had sex. And that's what makes me feel like I'm something different to him.
Written by Contessa Schexnayder for The Frisky
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